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2022-04-11 - 9:52 a.m.


I started work today but saw I had a msg of STD test results. (Partial)

I am so happy I sprung for that testing
as heck nice to see my assumption of NOT HIV positive (HA HA Was low risk for that-
and low risk for the other results already in- Hepatitis... heck never used needles for anything!
I can't even give blood anymore due to low iron!)

Only blood draw are for CBC and this test...

I am happy saved myself making an appt at my neighborhood Dr. I know that might sound dumb but truly it was just EASIER to go to the lab.
I am still annoyed at how many times my local office failed to call in the prescription that my OB/GYN had me on FOR YEARS.

SO I found this-


I am all for the law on the books. NO folks are NOT intentionally trying to infect others but for a few VERY VERY EVIL ones...

BUT THAT IS SO EVIL I think SHOULD be a crime.


And in their selfishness they harm others. I am still annoyed at the Ex who was not upfront to me about his actual sexual habits and multiple women in his life who gave me that gift! I was rather naïve at that time a good 15 yrs ago to be quite honest.

Then again- I was there once with a partner who was FREAKING Out and accused me of non disclosure when he was nervous. So I get it that having a law like that open possibility of someone manipulating and of it being used to stigmatize and harm others innocently- but considering only THREE times was it invoked and anyone prosecuted? Well doesn't seem the law is abused for ill much... BUT There ARE Alot of LIARS out there. FACT I am not as naive as I was 15 yrs ago. The guy who falsely accused me in his own moment of worry and I think SHAME * HE was cheating on someone it turned out.... and when he was worried about his own health (as frankly HE was one of those who was NOT monogamous- never had been and did not pretend to be when I knew him; but he MIGHT have pretended to be and LIED to his #1 beau! That is the reality- The mother of his children may not have been aware of his OTHER girlfriends.... damn that guy was dumped by me once I figured out he was a player but honestly he lied to me and it took ME eigh months to figure it out. I still don't get it- why so many lie just to get laid. It is just not hard to be honest. I just don't get it..... AT ALL
He later apologized and said
:"Oh yeah I do remember you telling me you have herpes"

He never was fucking worried about it until he was freaked out at some point...


BUT I think there are so many out there just downright selfish who KNOW FULL WELL they carry something that is a PIA if you catch and don't disclose not due to some executive functioning challenge and forgetting not in a moment of an error not intentional but out of straight up SELFISHNESS and caring only about themselves. What do you think? Should SELFISHNESS be criminalized when it harms other? Now in some aspects YES I mean I think in case of DUI and Reckless Driving YES Those are public policy laws that do great good. Come on on, many who have TROUBLE even if do not INTEND to speed- are more mindful because of the consequences. (ADHD folks for sure often fall into this category in relation to speeding when driving. Many don't INTEND to speed but honestly it is hard to regulate how fast one drives for some.) Hell I solved my problem by buying a car that has performance issues and does not accelerate beyond 60MPH HA HA I KNOW I have a serious problem with speeding EVEN when not WANTING to speed. But I accept that is no excuse if I do harm when speeding. I always accept FULL accountability for my actions. I believe that self regulation, and poor executive functioning skills DO account for many behaviors that then in fact become dangerous. But also agree that is NOT an excuse. This is a VERY different issue that believing compassion, acceptance and EVEN grace thought things like accommodations to those with challenges should be offered to allow people to navigate and succeed in this world VALUED. Those things do not VALUE the person who needs help MORE than others. Those things do not give an ADVANTAGE to the disabled person OVER others. They just level the playing field. I have always been SO grateful that as an ADHD person I never have had issues with drugs and sex and other impulse control issues many have. I just have trouble not interrupting WHICH yes is annoying and I try REALLY HARD to not do. So I honestly have no issue criminalizing those who are irresponsible sexually. To me its the same as criminalizing those who are harming others due to irresponsibility when driving. And I have no issue that those with such challenges have to work harder in some respect to play by society rules and be successful. I have no issue putting in the work and effort and also accepting the lumps when I have failed- but always want to try to improve and do my best. I think having laws and rules and consequences does help us all! Heck we all at times need something other than ourselves to care about and motivate us., So today I am thankful that work is light. Cause when doing taxes discovered I have not paid attention to tax code change. When the hell did the standard deduction for donations change to $300?? WTF??? Are you kidding me??? Not I have ALWAYS itemized. But I thought There was a code change that somehow was said to reduce motivation for donations as I read some such nonsense- something about code changes and how it made no sense to donate even and donations were down cause could not take the deduction. I think I did not read carefully enough, because I am a homeowner so the improvement of windows and mortgage insurance makes me HAVE to itemize and run the numbers cause I might be better off itemizing than taking the standard deduction. AND FOR SOME REASON This year organizing and tracking donations is a beast of a task. I USUALLY Have a folder all letters go in... all receipts etc.. I have no idea WHY this year I am not finding that folder. I Know I HAD ONE. Sheesh... Its the last missing piece of the puzzle. So I pulled an excel of data from a bank end of year report ( I do that every year) then analyze it and do the same for the credit cards and pull and analyze the data and actually really track EVERY Donation made and itemize. BUT DAMN This year I used all those super easy apps that encourage donations. See I believe in SUPPORTING my family and friends in the things/caused that are important to them But now I am just looking at this beast of a task and my brain... ok maybe the autistic trait of fam? My brain will not ALLOW me to just GUESS ESTIMATE OH NOooooo I have to have fucking accuracy and veracity and I swear this is likely insane but I have to fucking pull the data and report to the damn penny. I vent and rant and complain but when get it done it won't be that hard... just time consuming... and I will be happy to have it done. So It is both laughing at MYSELF, and venting and sharing this weird obsession of perfectionism that leads me to procrastinate for just a min.. just to chill. This ranting is relaxing in its weird way. In other good news I do have a choice of new journals for the rambling. Unfortunately that is cause one kid has a COLLECTION Of them not ever written in. NO INTEREST in every doing so ( so they say) so they have offered for me to take what I want. I will do so... but hope they might change mind some day as here no one will breach privacy and it is so helpful- therapeutic. REALLY no one here will breach privacy. I feel we finally DO have that safe space in our home. So onto data analytics of my 2021 spending. Heck at least I will file my taxes BY the 15th!

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