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2022-07-20 - 7:31 p.m.

USA JOBS is not using a log in with gove


This is the Executive Leadership skill set required

It is odd to me that honestly 20 years ago when I was actually in managment roles I was an exceptional leader.

Maybe 30 years ago...

I have been on boards but have not felt like I have had the influence in those spaces that I had when I was in the management roles I had when much younger.

In my recent jobs I started strong but somehow my collaborative style seems to not fit the culture of the spaces. There were just some differences in willingness to review processess and policy and change things.

Folks don't want anything to be more complicated than need be ( I get that!). So in the larger spaces I have this knack for seeing the nonsense overkill, excessive risk management that set up redundant processess
YET in the smaller company spaces I see the risk of having NO checks and balances and oversight.

I also ask for information so I can have complete view of the space, issues, and provide a clear gap analysis and troubleshoot.

I am looking at an actual fed job simply as the posting is in a space doing really important valuable work with a mission I wholeheartedly believe in...
and honestly I do have the skill set which is needed to just rock it.

IF they like me.
If they don't I would have to win them over.

When I was younger I was always really good at that. Honestly co-workers who DISLIKED me at first later really grew to respect me;
heck and in one case one became my friend and roommate! (TRUE- We really couldn't stand each other at first! He was far too arrogant and he judged me as far to chill and unattentive. He judged me based on how he tHOUGHT I would do at the job we were initially hired for- and he judged me initially based on an abelist view and honeslty his lack of respect was cause I was falling asleep during trainings! HA HA It was the total almost narcolepsy thing... now know likely POTS poor circulation drop of blood pressure causing the "idiopathic hypersomnia".)

My oldest just posted something about getting eye rolls when she did her sqats to improve her circulation when standing in line at a Walmart. The acute awareness of being judged cause acting "Weird" and different, which she HAS to do so she doesn't faint.

I feel like if we were not all remote most of the time I could have had time to work through the difficult personalities of the current space.

I don't like to write about other peoples stuff here too much. Cause never know who could come across it..

and I like all the folks I worked with .... well work with....
they did send me a couple things this week.

There was not much coehesiveness of understanding on how they are to engage me. My immediate boss said she would send me work. When I was engaged last week she said to send it back to her and she would sent to the external client. So I am basically now a "ghost writer"

I am quite OK with that.
BUT I got two requests from two other staff... directly.
And was not sure if they vetted it to the whole executive leadership team as to HOW They want to use me moving foward.

Typically when consulting I would have an issued email with the company!
In this case they asked me to return their computer and the email is not to be used anymore.

In some cases in the past I was a consulant and it was OBVIOUS as any work sent would have the email of the CONSULTING company and it would be obvious that the person is not an employee.
I just want them to have clarity and be consistent with their expectations.

And as a consulant I don't want to guide the leadership in that particular decision.
I hope my asking all those questions by email today
WHICH I pretty much asked my boss LAST week but she wasn't exactly clear,,,,

doesn't make them LESS inclined to seek my support!
It just seemed to be a perfect example of why outlining a process would have been very helpful!!
Process of how to engage our dept,and my work would have been great to have. (But my boss did not want me to finish the policy and procedures Docs! SEE... there was no openness to even capturing HOW things are done to clarify where there can be efficiency improvement, or where there can be clarity of who needs to be engaged and who needs to approve certain things.

Maybe being a parent actually made me not as strong of a leader as I was when younger! HA HA

That is in a way what it feels like.
That because I have a large family and they have such unique needs I am LESS authorian than I was when younger. When younger I was so decisive and quick to plan and tell folks what we are going to do. I was SO SURE Of myself.
I think the trauma of this family required a different type of leadership after the abuse of the VERY authoritarian style parent.

So I became softer...

CE la vie

Regardless I know I would rock the posting I see.

I am just nervous I don't have recent REFERENCES that would believe that.

I did make it through LOTS Of hoops for an equivalent role somewhere else and then they did the grand bait and switch, I was pissed at the time.
It was a collosal waste of time and I thought tremendously disrespectful as honestly it was because of ONE MAN'S perception/judgement

and honestly it had nothing to do with the work I would have been doing. It was cause he honed in on my REFUGEE Services work and honestly he was the kind of dude who likely supports freaking shooting at refugees at the boarder as if they are not only criminal but not even worthy of respecting the lives of.

Honestly that was the vibe I was getting as he honed in on that work of mine. NO he didn't ask about the DOJ support for BIA.,
he was looking at that line of refugee services work

and it was honestly a "political" viewpoint- a policy differernce.

Hell I can even work well and still respect some who have fucking zenophobic views and I don't even care if they share them as long as they are not being racist and professionally still respect others in the workplace and are fair..

But when you come across someone who will de-rail your job opportunity with ego because of assumptions that my views will not make me as good at a job as THEIR views-
when honestly immigration policy and how we each view a person who is an immigrant had NOTHING To do with the job I was being considered for...

Anyway.... this is a different agency.

So I want to let go of that whole thing and consider throwing my hat in the ring for this role at this time.

This would be a longer commute than the other job I was in consideration for years ago. They DID make a contingent offer.

THEN I was snarky in a response to the egoist and honesly I got a letter in a few days that they decided NOT to offer me the position.

IT was not surprising, but disappointing.
I just know the WORK and the HOOPS you have to go through for a federal role. AND it takes a FREAKING LONG TIME.

AND the pay is not that great- honestly.
Private sector pays more.

But the work at this place is valuable and I would be so happy to work somewhere where there is NO misaligment of values.
So I will think about it.

BUT what I came to vent about is that the USA JOBS site is no longer using the old log ins.

"USAJOBS is using to allow you to sign in to your account safely and securely."

THAT JUST STINKS for a couple of reasons.
#! KSAs The lengthy ...very lengthy

questions you have to complete--
WERE All completed in the past at my USA JOBS profile ( and if not mistaken they were retained in the past!)
Any info in that formerly completed profile that got me through to the phase of later interviews after MONTHS of background checks and hoops etc...


so have to start over.

I have a gov log in for MY COMPANY
but that is not for me as an individual

so should use my personal email for that-
and it just stinks to have more than one log in for a system
I mean it is easier to manage with ONE only...
PIA essentially.

The drawback is the commute. Although they would relocate. Honestly if they offered me THIS JOB I think I would honestly take them up on that.
It is in a DIFFERENT STATE than I live in actually.
Honestly it might be the best thing of all to sell this house and move from here.

YES its also in a place I actually said years ago I really like and would love to live in.

Reasons to apply!


There is much I really like.

IT would mean I could not run my company and that would be odd to have worked so hard then just ditch it...

but honestly if I could land an executive role in an agency that is a great fit that would be worth it to do work that is truly valuable and helps people.

AND honestly gov jobs are some of the best I think for older workers.
They tend to VALUE the wisdom of older workers as long as they are agile enough to keep learning, be humble enough to learn from the younger folks we work with and smart enough to keep improveing and learning new skills.

I have no issues with that frankly. I might learn a little slower than young folks- but truth be told I often was mastering and then HELPING the younger folks learn how to do things when I worked in the operations spaces I was in.

Funny how I minimized that in the latest role. I wanted more of a leadership role and less hands on operationally. I was trying to keep that firewall and delegation of authority so did not want to be touching deal set up. I wasnted to be APPROVING and ensuring checks and balances!

But they didn't really undersand why I was trying to create that kind of process...

ce la vie.

I think they hired an expensive consulting company who will tell them the SAME Exact things I commented about some of the process improvements saw needed.

I won't gloat. NO...
I will just walk away gracefully and try to figure out HOW I CAN IMPROVE MY LEADERSHIP SKILLS
as I SHOULD have been able to affect change in that space more!

I had vision
I saw their gaps
I saw their vulnerabilities
I made suggestiions and even came up with a plan

BUT I did not SELL THE IDEA and the path forward.

That is where I fell short in the latest space I worked in.

So trying to figure out how to gain CREDIBILITY

Or rather not LOSE IT

IF I lose it based on WHO I AM there is not much I can do other than MASK who I Am!

But I feel too damn old and the toll is too high to mask.

So if in the end it is that...
If in the end the one owner is ,,,
or transphobic... ( it did cross my mind someone in the company had a kid that gradyated with two of mine. IT might be KNOWN who my family it...they are very old fashioned Catholics it seems-- yeah like the WHOLE executive leadership team. I mean it might honestly be the factor in me not being enough of a "fit" for their company...)

If it is that...
well CE LA VIE

and good for them for never having articulated anything thoghtless , rude, or mean.
(like my last boss who was overtly racist in asking
"But what does MIXED mean?" OVer and over again agast as she saw the poem my oldest wrote with mixed in it...
and was gaping at the brown skin of my oldest."
Then walked away in a huff, visibly shaken.

OH no...
at least this time there was no OVERT racism, or fear of LGBTQ folks...

But it feels like it may have been THE FACTOR.

So yeah.
The gov job does appeal.

The government is perhaps the one employer who is NOT abelist, racist and afraid to hire or promote LGBTQ folks.

That is the truth!!

Seriously I have been telling everyone this for years. OUR US OF A govt is the entity that has promoted Civil Rights in society for REAL MORE THAN ANY OTHER.

It took a while. It started with the ancillary not quite gov entities- like Civil Air Patrol that started when the gov itself WAS Sexist and racist. They started so Black pilots and Women Pilots could serve our country.

But the govt did catch on and changes were made in ways that matter.

SURE it is imperfect like everyting touched by humans.

BUT it is still the best damn country in the world protecting our freedoms.

And for me.
that means my freedom to work.

EVEN when,
some have pushed me out of spaced due to being "different".

SO I have 5 days to get my application in.

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