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2022-08-17 - 7:12 a.m.

I knew enough to know the pop up I am getting from so called McAfee is a scam.

Found an article to remove this malware


It's 7:13 AM here in Northern VA and the trash pick up trucks were coming down my street at 7AM sharp!
Dang they are early.

I put to the curb the old AC unit and wonder (hope) they trashed it. The rules for pick up say they don't pick up AC units but I am still trying...
I might just get lucky.

I know they are not SUPPOSED To pick them up. ( I think they charge more as they have some special considerations of the freon in these old units?)

Even a bill would be welcomed more than me having to either go back to my friend and say thanks but no thanks and drop it back off with him ( YES maybe that is silly but he THOUGHT he was helping and I just want to leave it at that-)
have to drive to the dump and drop it off and then pay there.
Hell if I did have to pay I WOULD bring the receipt to my friend and tell him I junked it. It was just so gross and the inside full of disgusting critters that even after I knocked them out, with the rust and the nastiness of it there was NO WAY I was putting that in my window.

I mean some buggers live for a long time.
I let the thing sit it my super hot car hoping it would kill them- no food no water
cause there was at least what looked like freaking fying ants on the darn thing ALIVE when I picked it up. I saw them just after it was put in my car and I think I was just too darn .... IDK not thinking? too hopeful? Too optimistic?
Or just too tired to argue and think for myself?
I get that way sometimes when it comes to personal things

Just feel defeated and give up.
Yes I can get like that

Not with BIG important things but little crap.
Like the AC that my friend was so enthusiastic I try to get in my window * yet he wasn't offering to help do the install! HA HA So easy for him to be a cheerleader.
HE HIRED A guy to install his!
That was the funny part.
I did try to get the number of the guy who is his handy man as asked what he would charge to do the install if I tried and failed and decided it was then worth it to hire him

They guy said $25!! i mean it seems hardly worth it (for him) but for the fact he is driving in to work not that far at the winery.

The dude lives in West VA and clearly is a man with a disability- a nice nice man, who is a bit on the seeming "slow" side- in speech and I know he needs some help with clear instructions sometimes but he does decent work for my friend.

So when I asked for him number if I needed help with the install my friend said "Just call me if you need to get ahold of him"

Which I found a bit odd.

But then again it might be the guy doesn't know his #; or there is someone else who works with him.

But the whole thought of that AC in my window just does not appeal to me. I would rather have it hot during the day than something that gross.

AND I BET My friend who had complained of fatigue just might feel better when he is not breathing air from an old moldy AC right next to his bed at night!!

So today I made plans to get together with my gal friend I used to work with. I need to give her a psudoname. I am going to call her very randomly Leila. There-
She has been named.

That came out of nowhere...
But she looks like a Leila. Kind of an unusual name. Leila grew up in Mongolia and I can't think of what would be a Mongolian name as I have no idea.
Her husband does have an ethnic soudning name and her actual name is as white bread WASP American sounding as any. So much so it surprised me when I met her.
Her actual name to me doesn't really FIT. I am sure it was her parents attempt to be progressive when they had this baby in Mongolia.

Of course I know nothing about Mongolia- so maybe in the 50s the popular names in the U.S. WERE as popular there!
It just struck me as funny when I first met her.

She is such a lovely person.

I talked to her last when she called my cell and I was AT WORK at the retirement community. I broke the rule of mine to never answer my cell phone ( usually it is off when working) and picked up just cause she was traveling and its been a long time since we connected. Just to try make quick plans. I think I talked a bit too long and too loud as the Assistant Activity gal came over and offered to watch the desk. She was nervous as I took the call when the bosses were in! But I was not too concerned- I mean it was 5 min and there were no residents around and no one else needing attention.
*Maybe it was distracting to the bosses?

But I waved off the Assistant and just got off the phone quickly and thanked her.

I have to call back Leila to codify plans as they were made sketchy-
Wed , meet in the town mid way between where we live-
as I had to get off the phone.

There is a nice park that goes through the town and this hip new coffee shop built in the exact space that used to be the art gallery and artist collective where I spent time modeling 15 yrs ago.
They moved the collective to a place with cheaper rent outside of town in a really BAD LOCATION. It was a killer move-
litearlly killed it. As it was in this office park in an ugly space and no one knew the gallery/studios were there. They had ZERO new sign ups for students and no one walked through the then really industrial looking space to find the gallery.

ZERO Marketing effort.
ZERO Business sense.

It was so disappointing.

So I have not been in the new coffee shop as really needed some time to honestly mourn the passing of the what once was a vibrant incredible arts space.

Yeah I needed time.. HA HA

Like YEARS?? HA Not sure how long the hip coffee shop has been there but today I would like to walk the nearby park with Leila and enjoy catching up hearing of her recent travels. She has this awesome marriage (I think) to her best friend and basically she travels with friends whenever she wants and they enjoy company together when she is here but there are ZERO issues of jealousy or restrictions.
I can only see being married ever again if I has a spouse like that! One that gave me LOTS OF SPACE.

Some of us NEED more alone time than others and Some of us NEED MORE FRIENDS than others.
I love the way this couple navigates their marriage balancing each other's differences without resentment but simply loving acceptance.

I have plans to see my guy friend here in town on Friday. We are planning on doing something and he planned to head back to DC then. (I work on Sat morning - oh no not work work but the board meeting starting 8:30 AM for the arts org.)

I decided to be tactful and accept the board where they are at. Meaning they are a bunch of moms and oblivious to the differing perspectives of actual disabled people- not aware of the teens and young adults who find them condescending and infantilizing and not offering anything for them.

So be it.
I tried to get my own kids involved. I told my kids don't criticize unless you want to rise to involvement and help them see the gaps-
and then fix the issue by changing things. Don't Criticize UNLESS YOU ARE OFFERING YOUR SUPPORT TO DO THE WORK.

A lady I know reached out to us and offered to help with improving accessibility of the orgs marketing and web site. YES!!! I WAS SO EXCITED

I was careful to encourage we follow up with her WITHOUT bringing up any bigger issues. They are not yet ready to hear some of the other concerns that I and others have had. The concerns were raised in past and not well received.

If their mission only is KIDS of PARENTS and they want to meet needs of parents-
hell so be it.
They are the parents.
It is their group.
They ROCK it and do it BEAUTIFULLY

so if this org does not have a place for the disabled who sensitive about terminology of still using person first language
*Its been out of vogue a good 10 years now-

It was the IN thing 30 years ago!

Well.... so be it this is an old fashioned out of date org but it STILL Rocks the needs of parents of YOUNG kids.

It is what it is.

Those who outgrew it as teens or adults can move on. But they don't need to judge the adults who DO enjoy the art classes ( which just Rock!)

So I was careful to not raise issue of the langauge we use in marketing YET. We need to FIRST address the mission and who the org is for and who they want to serve.

We have TRIED to run programming for the 18+ crowd and

and I take full credit for that.

I didn't have the ENERGY and time to create great marketing materials.
They used awful flyers that were then copied and reproduced ( TOO BUSY TOO MUCH INFO and AWFUL for social media)

No one reads those.

We had this incredible novelist, playwriterof five books, a drama theapist, a gifted teacher who actually teaches playwriting at NYU liked up to teach a class on playwriting


I go with the flow.

The board cracks me up though. At one meeting I tried to say a simple thing-

Simply when we are applying for grants and they ask if we have any particular needs; I suggested we consider the need of DEVELOPMENT
and that we might consider hiring staff for professional fund raising and development as that is a real gap we have.

They said "Bring a presentation to the board meeting."

They did not want to TALK ABOUT IT.

I am tempted to make a Power Point
that has ONE PAGE

"LETS TALK about considering hiring a professional fund raiser"

I mean I don't have a position to try to Sell an idea. I want to discuss.

It was really dismissive as they often are.

I have an old power point from years ago spelling out how we should start a reserve fund and dedicated role and effort to long term giving and they ignored that and tabled it.
I have the reseaerch on that

I just don't have energy to do the research on this and follow up so am letting it drop.

I will show up and vote
and frankly just want to be able to provide my labor at EVENTS at this point.
I want to help set up when the artists have an exhibit. I want to mingle with the artists. I want to put out tables and chairs and food and serve and then clean it all up when done. I want to be in the background sweeping the floor.
I want to break down the set when a show is over. Hand me some power tools and I will have at it-the gratifying work of removal of screws and taking a hammer to break up a set.

I am just so tired of my professional insights and efforts being completely disregarded and not even considered by the executive leadership of this board. LITERALLY ONE member QUIT cause they found it overt and upsetting. Another told me she was so upset she WANTED To quit and I encourage her to hang in there - but then she got really sick with a tumor and it was heartbreaking when she passed away this past year.

My kid the teacher was friends with her daughter in high school. They went to a church youth group together.
Her daughter is lovely!

I know she had no filter when her tumor set it. She would just tell it like it is. I can only imagine when the few board members who did get to visit her what she said about our board. I imagine she was unfiltered and brutally honest.

I stay because there are folks on this board I do like and collectively as a group I APPRECHIATE the work they do. They run this rocking arts org that serves disabled kids and for some of those kids it is the one space they ever enter where they actually feel completely welcomed, where they develop friendships and skills and where they find a place to grow.
The kids just shine when they are in the programs run.
The programs are wonderful.

So what if it is the PTA type MomS who are gossipy and cliquish and old fashioned and in their comfort zone of sameness...
you know all that doesn't matter in the end.
They do welcome anyone that wants to be in the programs.
And the kids in the programs are enriched and happy.
So that is why I continue to show up and cast my votes and sweep the floor after events and find joy in my helping a bit as I see the exhburant joy of the kids in the program!

OH and one young adult now, one young gal whom I would not have intereacted with ever, who I would not have known the mother of-

was just in a commercial. A bona fide professional commercial as an actor.

A lovely gal who happens to have downs syndrome. ( The millenial disabled would be furious at that. I imagine the correction- cut the person first crap and just say
A down's person..

OK then..
a down's gal who happens to ALSO BE A FREAKING TALENTED TRAINED ACTOR in large part due to the years on stage with the teaching and training of this arts program
was cast in a professional commercial.

And I did not know that ( did not see her mom's FB page) until I got an instant message from her mom saying
THANK YOU for having sent her the casting call.

SHE is why I do this. Why I show up.

My son and daughter are why I show up.

It was the one space here in Va I saw their TRUE JOY when I brought them to this orgs casting call for kids twenty years ago,

So as long as it gives me joy I will keep showing up for the meetings and giving what is accepted.

Maybe not all I CAN
But all that is accepted from me.
and I let go of my ideas they don't care for.

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