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2022-09-06 - 7:55 a.m.

Pride commeth before a fall.

I should not be too surprised; but I checked my bank account this AM because everything was SLOW - delayed due to the holiday.

And of course all the transactions have gone through EXCEPT The motgage payment ( including $88 google fi to pay my cell phone and one kid's), the little bit of gas I added to my car when drove to the music festival ( It was cheaper there out in the hick town! $3.15 a gallon!), the $5.71 spent on gatorade and lunch( banana and cashews) on my drive to the festival ( as I was starving by the time I left and had popped an instant mac and cheese in the microwave but in the getting ready FORGOT To eat it! I texted the kids home to find it and the response was "already eaten" HA)

AND I am kicking myseft when look at the account and see I am about $8 short the mortgage payment.


I thought I had it all figured out and just enough to cover everything. Knew no extra-
HERE is the pride part...

I bought the parts to fix the track on the closet basement door. The realtor I hired offered to pay for them. She was going to pick them up for me. Then her husband came over and he was here fixing stuff in the basement to get it in top shape (she sent him the Honey Do list! They are a great team!) and HE offered to pay for it. I said no BOTH times-
the parts were after all only 8.14

BUT the kicker for me- and reminder to freakin accept help offered graciously is that I am short to be exact 7.33 for the mortgage payment to clear.

WHAT?? SO darn close. ( I really did forget about the google fi bill coming from this account. I mean I really need to get an excel and map out what is coming via autodraft and get a handle on the budget and what to expect as I keep forgetting SOME autopayment. I did run a budget but it was in some budget app and honestly did not help me keep it straight in my head or in an accessible form easy to see! It just helped me know how much money I NEED to have incoming every month. I have been trying to figure out if there was ANYTHING I could cancel. I got a letter our dental insurance dropped for non payment- and was happy one less bill and thanful both kid that covered and I made it to the dentist to have our teeth cleaned and my kid had cavities filled earlier this year! The bill arrived for the total care for both of us an our copays total are one outstaning $112 bill which is awesome. I paid $25 a month for that insurance so it only saved me $100 in it being dropped. I would not have intentioanlly dropped that cause it is so cheap- and I was going to go back to the dentist to have a few tiny cavities filled. (The same one my old dentist said was "optional" As so small and sometimes they calcify so "Wait and see" a sound approach. This dentist did not disagree that is not reasonable, but she prefers to fill them all. She said they are due to the fillings there shrinking over time and gaps allow cavities to form UNDER the fillings. She said she thinks better to fill them before they become problematic) I had a credit card which is now maxxed paying that dental insurance bill so obviously the last payment (Or payments?) had been declined. SO, as I was writing thinking of what to do for the darn $8 gap in my mortgage payment going through-

I just transferred $120 sans the 10% early withdrawal tax penalty from an IRA to my bank account.
My IRA took quite a hit this past year! I had invested last year the bonus I received.

( ASIDE but one last vent: How does a company give me a $4000 bonus for work well done at end of one year then only six months later FIRE me when I am rolling out my own company? I am still baffled that it did not occur to me that the right hand did not know what the left was doing- when the CFO signed my employement contract that I could also run my own company.. I mean it was clear the CEO had no knowledge of that when I proudly showed him my business cards and asked for referrals- and I SHOULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT... as it clearly did not go well for me being absolutely transparent with them both when I was ready to rock and roll with finding other clients. OK I swear I am done with this. Letting go... it is past.. But the IRA basically is only holding that Christmas bonus I invested in stocks that all then tanked this year as market shaken and had only $170 in cash! So now the cash available there is down to $50. OOPS I have not looked at that account since picked some stocks , bought them and let them sit- but now I see this small IRA lost $1200 on one stock alone I invested in last Dec - ONVO a stock I picked YEARS Ago and bought just one share to keep it on my radar. I was excited to buy 500 shares in DEC! I thought they were doing cool stuff- as get this they create vaccines! HA HA
I Think that ironic- that years ago I wanted to invest in vaccines.Then this past Dec purchased more ONVO with the bonus! Maybe in the long term it will pick up? I still think they are doing cool stuf Ce la vie... ah had to look- OOPS my crappy memory got it wrong and this is the 3D printing of ORGANS company! EVEN cooler stuff- The other stock I picked that did not tank as much is the vaccine one- VBIV Which only tanked 50% of value! HA HA...
I do believe in investing in what one believes in. Early investors before a return are NEEDED For cool stuff to ever manifest in this world. Honestly I would rather support something that could literally save hundreds or thousands of lives and lose a little bit of money on it for that possibility than only invest on the KNOW financial return. I have confidence that some good will come from that for not just me in the long term but others and there are just some kinks of challenges along the way. SO going to stay the course...and hold on. Wait and see.
I bought these stocks when I thought I had money to gamble with back in DEC when they were HAPPY with my work and I was seeing the future of the new business growing on top of that job!! The IRA is such a small account - $3000 now rather than the bit over the $5000 it was a year ago after I added to it! I thought I would just let it sit there- buy and hold and check it out again to see what the heck happened in a few years! I have another not so risky retirement fund and also intended on not touching them for years. But glad today there was a )

Anyway, The mortgage company is ridiculously slow in posting its payment; pulling its money. I never saw a bank as slow as them.
That is really what I find frustrating as no matter how I TRY to send the mortgage payment FIRST these other bills and transactions go through before it gets posted.

So I can breathe easy again for now and focus on the day.

And Today I WILL Pull up an EXCEL - hell going to do it NOW as soon as stop writing before I do anything else as I CANNOT have another month with a surprise of some withdrawal I had not accounted for in my head. Time to STOP doing the accounting in my head!! * That only works when flush!!

I slept much better last night without pain keeping me awake thanks to aleve.
One pill only works for me thankfully since I don't take it or ibuprofin much. I only do so when the aches and joint pain interfere with sleep.

Everything I am reading says exercise helps arthritis. I think that theory is moreso based on the theory that carrying extra weight hurts joints more. That theory is based on fact if exercise then you will be in better cardiovascular health and that may help somehow.

But I get it why my kids think it is bullshit. My kids with EDS know joint pain hit when not overweight. My kids knew the pain that they had hit when they were active. They knew it hurt when physically fit.

So my super bright kid looked up all those primary studies that all the pop culture articles written saying exercise helps chronic pain or arthrisis
calls it bullshit.

I forget the name of the one study. But apparently it was not peer reviewed; not a large enough sample- problems with its scientific methodology and soundness...etc..etc...
Lots of issues with the study. Other scientists have debunked it but the pop culture stories spin that exercise will help your pain. ( As far as not necessaily true it was PROVED. I mean the collegen is gone and it is not coming back so rubbing bone against bone without that cusion doesn't really make sense that it would help your pain in cases of EDS!!)

HOWEVER that being said-
I DO think there is some truth because of the ENDORPHINS and the way the body FEELS when flooded with them

So it is not necessarily that the physical pain is lessened but I think that one's ability to MANAGE the pain is improved due to imroved OTHER physical things going on

I mean the bone on bone impact or the pinched nerve is still happening the same

BUT The endorphins somehow MITIGATE the total experience of pain

So there may be truth in the reality exercise is good for people

when feeling only that physical sensation of the aching and soreness of tight muscles throbbing it just makes no sense in the moment to get up and move if rest somehow makes it feel better.

ALL this to say I have greater empathy for my kids being sedentary when I have had a day of such low energy and actual pain myself which rendered me incapable of getting things done.

I get it.
I am just blessed and grateful this is not a condition I feel and live in DAILY. For me it is rare.

This is unusual to have this much joint pain.

Its definately more than I have had in the past- which is why I think it is arthritis which historically has run in my family and which is why I will do what I can to mitigate it

and when have energy and NOT in pain I will exercise.

I mean I still think for me that does help. Swimming is recommended as less impact on joints. I prepaid to go to the pool- still have money left on the swipe card for the local parks dept indoor pool. So although my lovely HOA community pool closed

AH CRAP I was supposed to stop by there yesterday as I lost my glasses the one last time I went swimming a few weeks ago!! DANG The weekend my guy fellow from DC came and stayed here and we enjoyed the pool somehow I lost my glasses! I MEANT To go to the lost and found before the last day of the season ( which was yesterday) but forgot.

It was an old pair of glasses. But I still wore them and liked them. I LIKED having both a blue pair of frames and a red pair- the lost ones are the blue pair.

Sayanaro the one thing I paid attention to as far as being stylish! HA HA

Hey my frames used to match my outfit.

OKAY To wrap up today's morning pages here is the to do as I sit and enjoy delicious homemade bread from Fauci ( he definately adds molassass to his oatmeal bread. My one kid said it tasted like figs..then we figured it out- molassass -- a nice flavor!), which I have sunflower butter. This kind of makes me laugh as we received a bag full of these little sunflower butter containers- single serving and I KNOW where they came from! These are the food issued by govt to subsidise lower income students in schools! They came from our local LCPS sending them home with kids in the backpack food program when they load the kids up for food for a weekend so they are not hungry. OR the program where they go pick them up- and then what happens is the food gets sent home and many are like "What they heck is this?" And just WON'T EAT sunflower butter! HA HA
They end up being passed on... we see a bag of these at the retirement community break room along with premade PB&J sandwiches and cheese sticks or cheese blocks that some staff member brings in and leaves in the break room where staff do snack on them!
The donated food just gets recycles. So when there are food drives the families who received then also clear out their pantry of the stuff their kids just would not touch no matter how many times they saw it (HA HA) And it gets recycled like the fruitcakes at Christmas time.

So I think it really funny and also kind of sweet how in the end communities do really care for each other. I mean here I am eating the homemade bread from my neighbor a teacher; with sunflower butter that came from some school food program and likely was then passed onto the food pantry and ended up with me.

I am not too proud to take this gift of help until land work.
I have to keep reminding myself of that.


1. Excel sheet. I have to do that first or won't get done.
2. Monthly status report to my ONE CLIENT. Honeslty I was grateful to get communicaiton that there was no work sent as everyone on vacation and it was slow... but nonetheless I was still kinda disheartened. I should have sent this by the 5th. I was so busy trying to get my basement ready I just did not send it. HAVE To get that done alone with last weeks Weekly REport ( OF ZERO HOURS and ZERO Work for client. I did not send it last week and SHOULD have. ALWAYS Send any required reports even if the value is ZERO! I know better than to skip it!)
3. Clean the attic - THROW SHIT OUT. I HAVE TO!! *Is anyone really going to use the skis and snowboard and skates that are stored up there?? The darkroom equiptment? The slide projector?? My hobbies I have not touched in years. I finally threw out the bar review materials and let go of that past dream. I now have a camera to enjoy taking photos with ( used it a bit at the festival- not like I WOULD have if I were solo but it was great to do a quick shoot of the musicians playing- I enjoyed the company of my DC Guy who drove to meet me and also volunteered ! So nice to have an old fashioned SLR in hand again... well this one is digital. I just can't really get self aborbed into picture taking when with other people.It is SO ANTI SOCIAL. I get very obsessed and self absorbed so try to not take photos when with others much- I don't know how to do so without getting obsessive really. Photography truly is a solo art. I am NOT going to use the darkroom equiptment. Time to let it go. I am never going to be building my own darkroom.
4. Clean the living room/bedroom/kitchen BY Decluttering and moving crap to the attic worth saving and storing.

Will be done when the house looks presentable,when I can proudly bring anyone in and walk them through the entrance, living room and into the kitchen without it making ME Cringe by some clutter pile somewhere!!

That is enough for today. If I get that done it will be a good day. Job hunting and personal creative writing and guitar practice and business development all on the plan for later this week along with carving out time to go for a swim at least once. Maybe twice! (Wed and Friday? That would be good! Certainly not going to run this week!)

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Filed OCR Complaint for the Denial of coverage of my kids bloodwork based on TRANS identity - 2022-09-06


Break to laugh at what I actually DID get done today. STILL Work work on the list! DAMN I may be up late tonight once I really get into it. - 2022-09-06


WHEW Mortgage payment cleared!! Thank God - 2022-09-06


Skis and skates and sports equiptment in attic can go. It has not been used in years!! - 2022-09-06


OK; still on ITEM #1 of my TO DO. But revised it. That is now item 1 and 3 (HA it was #1 but in process added one more item to sandwich in between doing it) - 2022-09-06