2022-09-28 - 8:07 a.m.

I am super happy to have a lease signed with my new tenant. I am pleased the kids here stepped up to plate and helped me throw out the remainder of old furniture from our living room to make room to then move the newer ( although also used! It has those colors of mauve and a nice green that were made popular 25 to 30 years ago! Think era of the patterns and florals being in where they suddenly thought it so innovative to pair florals with plads etc...)

Nonetheless I like the "new" used couches I purchased at least a year ago now ( if not more) and they are a major upgrade to this living room now that they are where I intended them to be and we finally tossed both the old ratty ones. Well one was really ratty and the 2nd tossed was actually still decent but no one wanted it when I put it on Freecycle months ago! Standards are higher here than in a city for sure.

A teen just came down and asked "Why is the table fucking gone?"

I did not have help with moving that. I pulled that to the curb myself.

After running the vacume in the area where the old table was moved from I planned on moving the lovely coffee table up from the basement. I am still considering if this is the best idea however. After I tossed the coffee table that was there I relocated the playstation and controllers and games and DVS and a chess set. Most of the electronics were just stacked and are sitting on top of the box holding the TV screen. It is a really thin screen and I basically rigged a stand for it with a cardboard box covered with fabric years ago and that has never been upgraded (it works. It sits in a big bulky TV cabinet and what is nice , although never used in our house, is that this cabinet has doors to shut and hide all the electronics. I love that feature!
It is big and bulky and the coffee table tossed matched it. This is white furniture that was in style 25 years ago. I kept the end tables as they are these boxy white square tables with lids so offer great storage for all the old family photo albums which are tucked away in them. The big bulky table was is awful shape as the kids were just so hard on it- with glasses and drinks spilled over the years. They ate there in recent years. So they are going to miss the table BUT

I do not want the REALLY nice table that is in the basement which came from the NYC talent agents office to be ruined. I feel like these young adults are still not that mindful of things.I mean they try to be, but its a challenge with the ADHD still adolescent brain that is still in the phase they seem to be in. That is my perception- that to put that table there is to risk it getting ruined. OF course the kids were LITTLE when they did the serious life being lived as little kid expected damage to the furiture designed literally to be taking a beating. The funny thing is that when I brought it outside I realized it could have been just flipped upside down to hide the major damage on top- as it had wood on the top and bottom and could have just turned it upside down and then it looked OK. Kind of brilliant design. I mean the top and bottom were same! But I never figured that out and just used a runner and doilys to hide the damage over the years which would stay on for a day or two before my youngest would remove them and say they were annoying. We battled that out many times and I did lose that argument by backing down eventually. I settled with cleaning and making the place look best it could and putting out my mom's crocheted doiles that came from her home when I wanted to make it look like actual adults lived here not just teens; When I wanted it to have an appearance of order and some maturity rather than look like a hodgpodge post graduation young adult first apt. (I swear it had that vibe of a 20 somethings apt with the older used worn furniture! I just decided to NOT ever upgrade so my kids could be comfortable and I did not have to worry about the heavy usage and they could relax and nothing had to be protected with kid gloves.)

I think it was a decent choice as YES they DO know how to take care of things after all of this. Trust me they know. Their Dad's demanded that for sure. The also take care of their things and do respect my things that are important. I replaced a vase that got broken invertedly ( a gift from one of my brother's) a few years ago and the replacement has been respected. I had it in the basement actually as it looked really nice down there. Some flowers dried nicely and I left them in it. I tossed the flowers and packed it back up and put it away for the time being however as I just don't want that in the high traffic area! The living room still feels like a high risk area!

So I may see how it goes without a coffee table at all. If the electronics being tucked in the cabinet work- we don't really NEED a table there. The table there just INVITES clutter.

So over the next couple of days I am going to clean my room and consider tucking that table upstairs right in my bedroom in front of the davenport I have there. The thing is I can envison now it will become the place for my laundry that needs folding etc.. and capture MY clutter, but my clutter never would include food or anything that could ruin it! That is the one distinction which makes the living room high risk. The kids do like to eat and drink there!

There is a table in the kitchen just a few feet around the corner! MAYBE just maybe if there is not a coffee tablet there they will go back to eating in the kitchen ( Which I prefer as it makes keeping the house cleaner EASIER. I vacuumed couches pretty regularly but hell it is just EASIER to not HAVE to worry about crumbs!)

The basement has been rented unfurnished which I am actually happy about as that compelled the rearranging!
It just feels so good to get done! Our living room looks and feels to me better now.

The last few items down there will also I think make the bedroom nicer for my youngest. Her room needs some work. Today I need to go and spackle and give it a paint job. The room had been covered years ago with the plethora of mail from colleges. One wall has a collage of all the pictures of colleges and all their marketing slogans that were sent. I forget which kid had the room then but it was in precollege years, and there was another kid in that room at the time ( or two) and there was a hole in the wall I discovered that at one point a little kid made. One of the darlings thought it would be cool to create a tunnel between the two adjacent rooms. HA So they were trying to create the hole to be able to crawl back and forth. What can I say... I have creative children.
When I found it I laughed as they gave up on that idea but then with the kitchen knife. When I found it it I thought it was intended to be a dart board and could not figure out why one wanted to carve that in the wall. There is this hole in the middle and then RINGS carved around it- three or four. I think the idea was similar to scoring as the kid was trying to create sections to remove section at a time to make a tunnel that could be crawled through, or the hole was too small so they kept making the perimeter bigger (thus the rings) but risk of discovery forced abandonment of the project and then in their ADHD brain they never got around to finishing it. So there is a hole in the center a couple inches around then every or few inches carved out a circle surrounding it.

I have a piece of drywall saved from when I scored a spare piece from my friend/neighbor Fauci and fixed the wall in the basement post fire. There was an outlet that combusted which had a nightlight in in a few years back. It was one of those nightlights which emitted a tone to ward off pests that apparently overheated and caught fire. I had an electrician come and rewire my whole basement after that and then I did the wall repair myself. So today my job is to go and do some drywall repair in that one room. Take down all those pictures (which I thought was funny to do years ago as a decorating project. Heck I never felt like I nagged my kid but come to think of it perhaps just the wall covering with all those college messages was enough to be anxiety producing!! It was not even this kids room when that was done. It was done moreso as I thought it funny at the time the RIDICULOUS amount of marketing for colleges and the clever copywriting and promises of utopia they made. I curated the ones I thought funniest- either most ridiculous OR some that were actually well done affirmations.

OK I just pulled some off the wall as teen is here in the living room and response to the question "Do you want to paint your room; fix the walls and paint?"
was
"Not worth it THAT IS SUCH A BIG JOB"
I said-
"No its not that bad, You can personalize it, you can paint it whatever color you like, personalize and decorate and make it your own."
My kid basically said " It already is my own. I don't care what color it is. Its not worth the work."

But when I asked if minded if I go repair the walls said, NO go ahead.
So I said I will do some drywall repair and touch up. In particular there is some nice furinture designed for small spaces
again from my son in the NY APT
This very cool very narrow shelf and a matching small writing desk which she said YES should would like in her room.

So that is today's goal. To just get it done. If she really doesn't want to pick a color there is white paint in the basement to touch it up.
Today will be spackling.
I already stopped writing and pulled down the college ads. Wooster in Ohio looked interesting...
HA I couldn't resist- I handed that one to her and said "This looks interesting. They have capstone projects and mentorship with an internship program similar to Bennington it seems."

"Cool" she said as she did take the card and looked at it.

I also said "I don't think I nag you but perhaps waking up to the wall of college mail every day ITSELF was anxiety producing! EVEN Thought it was put there as a joke when it was not your room, it did just occur to me that itself may have been a non verbal source of feeling pressured and anxious."

She said, "Nah- You do nag me."

I did STOP myself from sharing my thoughts and mantra " Pick some small private schools to apply to. You have great grades and they have money. Those are the ones that give scholarships."

I stopped myself. I do know however she graduated with something like a 3.5? A drop from the 3.8 had been carrying but still good enough. Yes good enough that is she applys to a school in another state, any state within a day drive, she would surely get a scholarship. The thing is colleges WANT diversity of students and that includes regional diversity as differing perspectives really contribute to the quality of classroom education. Diverse experiences contribute to classroom discussions where students learn about and from each other. Small colleges KNOW This and as they often rely on socratic method of teaching and learning moreso than some other schools- they are the place that any good student who does not have money to choose and pay to a school they have in mind should apply. Seriously I tell EVERYONE who will listen to NEVER assume they can not afford college! Just apply to the best program for your interest you can find at a small liberal arts program out of state. I am SURE if my kid finds one that she will get a scholarhship just like her two siblings and two older half siblings have done.

I think the pressure for these two is that they have those older siblings who were such high performers in their view. But I keep trying to reiterate MY SON DID NOT HAVE THEIR GRADES. He was NOT the top student ! AND this is the truth, my oldest who is just brilliant also did not have top grades! She was a good student but no better than the youngest and may have been worse grade wise. Truth is colleges do not make decisions on grades alone. They do heavily weigh essays which is truly a stressor for kids but more than anything they look at each application and have intereviews and try to look at each PERSON , each STUDENT and care more about each and try to choose kids they think will succeed who yes they deem worthy. It is a judgement call. And the judgment call is based on each schools team biases and priorities and one never knows who or what they are looking for- so once the legacy school kids are in all those other spots are going to be filled with a VARIETY Of students. A straight A has no better chance than a kid with a B avg that has solid other skills and valued life experiences. The kid who worked all through high school and supported an ailing parent and siblings and got Bs? That kid will be scholarship material over a coddles straight A privileged kid in many colleges for sure. Then there are some that for sure are classist.
But my kids are not going to even consider those.
OK Enough of my rant and non-nag!! HA HA Captured here instead.

I do hope this kid gets some applications off to small schools. Those will the best shot at less stress and less financial aid! She does have schools on her list and aspirations so hope she is making progress and does so timely. I will go "nag" just one bit now however as I go and spackle in her space. I will ask if there is anywhere she wants to go VISIT.

College visits ARE helpful. If only to get motivated. But also to see what the better, more comfortable environment as that is is different for each kid and honestly that is EVERYHTHING in success- finding the environment a student is comfortable in.

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