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2022-11-09 - 8:08 a.m.

Interesting article read today.


I personally think that if everyone did SOMETHING to help process their concerns or thoughts in a healthy way-
some form of self care

that they would then not have an anxiety induced need to overshare

Thus-the reason I like having a journal as the place to process and DUMP

Its like the emotional downloading of crap on my mind

THEN I go about daily life NOT preoccupied.

BUT I read one of the most helpful tips of late.

A quote on journaling, I think from Julia Cameron herself?

The long hand and three page limit is important

as to continue to write becomes SELF CENTERED and counterproductive!


I realized I get in flow and lose track of time and KEEP Writing and that itself is a bit of an avoidance perhaps

I forget the quote...wrote it down somewhere I think.

AH FOUND IT- in the FRONT of my Book The Artist's Way
from an article/interview written by Ellie Hunt in The Guardian

"Work only three pages long hand every day; Any more feeds the ego in itself a block to creativity."

THAT Really resonated to me!
That is what I have been doing I think. I mean I know this writing of journal is completely egotistical. I have said as much
by its NATURE completely self centered!
SELF focused

and to do that for too long is NOT helpful; not promoting growth and creativity.

AH here is the article

Interesting the Guardian ran two stories in close time frame on The Artist's Way in 2022 as also found this

Reading that quote made me realize my writing here is not helpful if I don't use a TIMER and just keep going.
More helpful to quickly journal long hand for FIXED time over a cup of tea in the AM, Organize and plan my day - writing my to do with intention-then exercise and start my day.

I also found this article on Nora Roberts of all people ( as I never read one of her books but a resident at the retirement home LOVES her stories and read every JD Robb book could find as well ( her alter ego pen name for mystery genre!)
* I pulled up an article on her process and gave it to the lady who loves her work. I just knew any article on her fav author would make her happy! It was the first found...and it was really a great read.

Structure and Discipline.

So as I am getting the the END of The Artist's Way I have circled back to the very first thing I ever wrote when starting that process.

The personal mantra was CHANGED as I worked and collaborated-
but I think the very first thing I wrote is really what I actually need.
The collaboration and friendship developed with the ladies who joined my Meet up Artist's Way group have been MARVELOUS in developing the discipline and routine of working through the book itself and its process.

We have ended our group.
* I actually was strugging on Saturdays getting chores done and losing track of time so I was late- and then the other ladies same- got to point in life their obligations etc were more compelling that this group.
It was great and helpful and served its purpose for us but time came to move on to next step in our journeys.
But it did help us each to continue in the book and its process and we had so many benefits from it.
SO now that I got THAT FAR in prioritizing not being a workaholic, working with INTENTION on things valuable, focusing on developing my own creative skills ( HECK I CAN PLAY GUITAR NOW! I mean REALLy actually play!!)

the thing I really need to do next
which is the lynchpin
and what all artists need to learn to master


To commit and do the work DAILY

I really like Nora Roberts "formula" for her


and her advice for self

Stop making excuses and write.
Stop whining and write.
Stop fucking around and write. is just so spot on.


Journaling can easily turn into procrastinating. (Just like playing video games can for my kids!)
SO just do it
or practice your art- paint; sing; create songs; learn the fundamentals of basic instrument to facilitate having skills to get what is in head OUT OF head and in ears and to
and in song
not just in head but shared
birthed into a new thing that exists outside of mind only.

Either the story as imagined
or the song as heard in head

Those are the things it will be fun to do.

So here goes.
I am STOPPING writing even though once I start here I could keep going.
and am going to force to work in other mediums.
Force myself to sit and paint even that bad picture of the OWL I envisioned. (The guy I saw perched in my neighborhood)
* Plan a schedule for the days.
*SHORT 15 min morning pages;
*Block of exercise ( daily! yoga, run, swim or bike); J
*BLOCK Of CREATIVE work- Days for guitar; days for songwriting; days for creative writing.

but I have to get out of my writing being STUCK here- beginning and ending here.
My kids are doing alright.
Both are medically stable now.
I have just a couple more specialists to bring them to to finally see every specialist each needed to see. One has wisdom teeth to be pulled and need to finally see and ENT. Will get that done. The treatment of allergies has been fantastic but now it is part of our routine and I can work around that more easily ( EVEN IF I GET A JOB NOW ELSEWHERE The kid can hop on a bus to get to the allergist! The office is familiar to her now. I can do a trial run with her to learn how to do that! HECK that is a great idea for this Thu when I typically drive her. I think I will grab some bus fare and suggest and hope I can get her to do that to learn the route.)

I am focusing on this this AM as I have TWO more really good job possibilities that would take me back into full time work. I will take either if I get them. They will demand me to be more disciplined to also keep actualizing working creatively which makes me happy.

BUT I also was SO HAPPY to be able to get in flow of the good work that is really joyful and EASY for me. I know I had added value on the project just did.
*But of course there is the inevitable- once look at legal issues and point out risk processes that used to be simple are MORE COMPLICATED as folks have to think about all the things they have not previously considered. So there is that..... the propelling others to grow where they would benefit which is painful to them
I can help OTHERS
But now creatively ALSO know I need to push through the discomfort MYSELF even though the process takes time and sustained effort and most of all discipline!

I have a project I started that I am excited about and if disciplined I know I can get it done! I know it will have impact and help others.
SO that is really motivating me.
It is an issue that is just STILL bothering me after years so I have the Desire to do something about it constructively in a way that is not threatening to anyone else, not destabilizing and scary but in a manner that will be helpful and hopefully impactful without feeling threatening.
I decided the best way to achieve change is to do the work MYSELF
and not when in someone else's space
and then share the results of my analysis to propel change

This journaling is not my art
this journaling is the start
So I am going to let it go a bit to be more intentional and hopefully make progress
cause after one year of the Artist's Way I have LIFESTYLE changes
that are really positive
But time to make the shift to PRODUCING actual creative work.

I am starting with the research for the writing project.

TODAY That is the work I am going to focus on. I already did job hunting last night and this AM before even writing here. ( Sent resumes to two legit head hunters for good full time roles).

So my quick to do:

research healthcare plans. Mine auto renewed but I can pick a BETTER ONE if find a better one.
maybe won't need it- but I got a letter indicating based on current income we were approved for Medicaid ( my dependant and I.) If land full time good job with benefits that would be great- but just in case I do want to find the best plan so need to do the analysis of market plans. THAT is a BIG project considering the specialists would like to have access to.
BUT The good news is the local doctor IS GOOD and literally replaced a few of my kids specialists! THAT SIMPLIFIES Life SO MUCH!

That was also possible as MY KID is doing SO MUCH BETTER health wise!

I feel like that older of the two is on cusp of taking the next step of working.
They are working on it and I think will find a job they can do soon. *Gut feeling

This makes me more comfortable considering full time jobs.
I wanted part time to support the kids and be fully present here-
but if one is just playing video games and I can;t HELP her get job application or college applications in I may as well just go back to work once she is medically all taken care of!
It is what it is....
I can't force the kid to grow into her next step any sooner than when she is ready.
Just can encourage and suggest and introduce resources and bring her places when I can in hope she is happy and inspired.I wish she would just give me permission to HELP HER get the on line application done for the place she had freaking job interview and was ready to be hired at!! (My workplace! The part time job I have!)

I truly love working there.
It is so fun I think.
I think she would like it too once she gets over the disabling anxiety.

OK So their health is doing better .... but that is still the challenge for her.

BuT I see her making to do lists and following up. She told me she googled how to make an appointment to get wisdom teeth out and it was confusing. I told her I would help her do that as the orthodontist who wrote that paper notating what teeth to take out did it on a referral form from an oral surgon! She did not understand that paper she gave me has the # of the office and all need to do is call and schedule.
IT has taken her weeks to get over the stance "I am not getting my wisdom teeth out"

I brought her to the dentist for an general appointment and cleaning and her teeth are good! NO Cavities (she does take good care of her teeth!)
But I am doing it again... writing instead of doing. This is my to do however:

1, Exercise ( At home as waiting to hear from plumber! Not out of house for long today cause don't want to miss that call! but I will do a yoga session at home and just go out for dog walks. A longer run or swim another day.... The office manager had me text pictures of the water heater so she can follow up FINALLY. The young plumber who came never put his notes in the computer- but she is fixing it and moving the process forward- will get the work order from AHS etc )
2.Schedule Wisdom teeth pull for her.
3. Review healthcare Plans- pick one.
4. Another inquiry form from VEC to fill out and mail back *Mail from them wanting more info literally was opened by me the same day as that designated date due back on the form.. Sheesh... they mail it out and it takes a week to get to me and they only gave a one week return due date. NONSENSE
*My hope of getting a cent from VEC is LOW
but still going through the paperwork nonsense JUST IN CASE

SO ridiculous as each time they send a form for more info it is asking for info I already provided.

5. Work on my research/writing project
6. Practice guitar today

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YEAH Medicaid Cards just arrived! - 2022-11-10


quick meditation then interview. - 2022-11-10


WTF? The time is CORRECT On my device now. Was WRONG just a few minutes ago when wrote. I touched nothing but for posting my entry. - 2022-11-10


Now to fix the time on this computer and get dressed. NIX the shower. - 2022-11-10


FINALLY expect a plumber to REALLY Come to fix the water heater. - 2022-11-09