2023-06-11 - 5:02 p.m.
Disappointment my Buffalo guy basically did not recall things we talked about on our last conversation.
Such is life.
I just re-told much.
I wanted to also mention Gandalf but did not yet.
It's just disappointing. 😞
He did not remember he told me to pick where I woukd like to travel with him. I wanted to just first get an update then talk to him about that. I mean no reason to not make plans. Gandalf heard all about my relationship with him and is OK with that. I mean it's kinda a prerequisite that when I date a man I am honest and expect the guy to accept that there are other people in my life I love too. There are many different kinds of love and we have a great capacity to love.
Love is truly an infinite resource.
When you have kids it is crystal clear you don't love any existing kid less because you have birthed a new child.
I swear this is the nature of love.
We don't stop loving one adult in our life because we start loving another and letting another in. We make ethical choices of what those relationships loom like when honest and agree upon viundaeies abd rules of engagement.
Michael and I have clear rules of engagement. I prefer we talk about who we are dating
But the rules are no need to mention unless serious.
But I prefer the ongoing conversation.
But I just met Gandalf so can wait a little.
Yet I want to celebrate my new love so want to post pictures etc
OMG I so want to post the Hadestown pics.
I want to share those with transparency.
But it was not that which made me stop the conversation, I mean any discomfort in the disclosure of telling Buffalo guy I am seeing someone new. NO,
it was moreso I have to process the hurt that he forgot about my major surgery and forgot about some key things we talked of. That same pain that this is what happens in relationship with the alcoholic who does not recall conversations had when drinking.
I was thinking Jan for his Birthday perhaps we could celebrate it by going somewhere..
He did not seem to even remember he posed the offer and question to me to figure out by first week of June where I want us to go.
I can call him back.
But first just to process this disappointment for a minute.
Gandalf did not change that.
I had to distance for a bit. I had to process the heartache and letting go as this is a man I cannot ever have a deeper committed relationship with despite how much we do love each other, and it is in fact frankly in large part due to his alcoholism- whether he acknowledges that or not; and my choice to NOT be involved at that deep committed level with an alcoholic. But I am good with "It is what it is"
And so is he.
So it still kinda hurts he seems to have completely forgotten what we talked of.
I mean like completely.
Was he really that drunk?
I guess so...
Just makes me sad.