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2020-03-21 - 8:29 p.m.

A friend posted this somewhere

It made me fondly think of my old lover from years ago I fondly called Henry.

Yes Henry was the one lover that touched me like that. None prior nor since in quite that way. He touched me with thus mystical sacredness as if he had never before seen nor touched a woman was in awe and marvel of the beauty and comfort and wonder of me. He touched me with such respect and appreciation and love in a gentle deliberate way taking in the sensation and experience slowly.

There were other moments of frenetic ecstacy experienced with Henry, heck that is why I gave him that knicknane, but it was those moments of sacredness in that touch that I remember with such gratitude. It was such a marvelous gift to have experienced such moments with him.

In particular , I was the first woman he loved after the death of his lover. It was an honor he could trust his heart and body when so vulnerable and still healing.

There is a vivid moment of having asthma wherr he cared for me with such love and attentiveness in a way no man every had. That too is one I will never forget. A recent lover just this week said he didn't know I have asthma. He has cats! I had asthma AT HIS HOME due to them. Telling moment he paid little attention to the me in particular and really just wants to have good sex. Not that I mind a good sexual partner (and UNAVAILABLE Lover is one, more on that later) BUT it was that conversation that made me think of Henry and know a love like his is possible.

Henry is happily married and I couldn't be happier for him. We never could be morecthan we were simply because of our love of June..... yes Henry TOO was unavailable as we both didnt expect this falling for each other to be....yet it was ...and even though they had not been in relationship for years it was clear it hurt her.

Anyway, I thought of Henry and how after June he had a lover, a fiance in fact who then fell ill and died.

It was so tragic. After her death, one day admist another asthma attack Henry cared for me and later also packed up her nebulizer and medication,albuterol, the same thing I am prescribed and made sure I brought it home. Truth be told I am awful at going to the Dr. , awful about getting my prescription filled and awful at thinking to carry an inhaler on my person as I should.

So in these times I am thankful to still have that nebulizer, and that medicine which no matter how old is still thankfully one safe to use. Better to get new inhalers and carry them but that stock has been helpful.

There is this weird thing about cats and men. They have turned out to be a good measure of whether a man is one worthy of my time which is ironic as I am not a cat person, but they bring out the asthma in me and the reaction to that is very telling.

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