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2020-03-28 - 11:57 a.m.

I realize I should fill the reader ( ha ha. HI Jimbo!....I know I have one reader at least) in about some details referenced.

I realized I made some recent entries private! (The juicy entries)....
Ok. ...and truth be told accidentally didnt SAVE more than a few when getting used to using this darn phone rather than a computer.

I am like an old computer. Input goes in but it takes me longer to process it and retrieve it. My learning curve is like that!

Finally used to this phone. Goal today:learn how to upload a pic here of Bellatrix!
That will compel me to do it.

So Unavailable Lover is the wonderful man I met while walking Bellatrix back in early September. We went on a few dates, truly hit it off. Things were going awesome, but well....
Except for the fact one of his besties calls him affectionately a man hoe.

Yup. Total womanizing

So she, who had wisdom to NOT sleep with him remained his friend for years who hears of his woman woes.( He just has NO SELF control and is fucking sexy, I mean like movie star hot. No lie ...and funny and smart) but completely NEEDY of physical affirmation and has no fucking self no means of self soothing his anxiety but good sex!

Now as I have said before if in the right relationship where all is good that can potentially not be an awful thing. ..if one can deal with challenges and handle monogamy.

OR If one knows thyself and is honest and chooses transparency if polyamorous and things like CONDOMS for sexual health and emotional health of NOT lying to self or others.

So when I met UNAVAILABLE lover ( knickname for me to remind me of reality!!!!) he omitted one small detail:

The woman dating for now three years. YEAH she has no idea he is a man hoe. NO IDEA of the Dr., the Yoga Teacher. , the Vet....the damn counselor....etc who were his conquests.

Yup. I get it. I get him.
And I too fell for him, but for most part once got the truth, the full truth, I no longer thought of him as single. Not being married does not mean you are single but I have met more than a few men who try to play that game.

I can't recall last time we were together as in hit it and it was once again, as always just so fucking good!!... a couple months ago? IDK....But I have done well to shift him to friend zone. He is my TV bud.He has cable actually. We did watch the show my actor son is in on a binge one evening fast forwarding to catch up. So if he wants to be my trashy TV soap opera watching buddy that will be great, for as long as he will do that while I am not sleeping with him . ( I an rather strong in the self control area unlike him, so that can work. I apprechiate the friendship.)
Thankfully. I am SUPER good at research so figure out when being played. Pictures over Thanksgiving with girlfriend and her family and his kids let me know it was BS this lady he dates is a casual thing.

My oldest says the Feds should have hired me for that! I find out things.
It"s a great self protection skill.

So, for instance that skill helped in compelling social distancing as sexy, amazing UNAVAILABLE lover lives so damn close it would be EASY to keep enjoying his intimate companionship a few times a damn easy...but NOT SMART as I need to at this point in life get over my own real relationship avoidance issues and stop being attracted only to unavailable men.
And I am not a guy poacher.The man has issues and he should deal with himself in the good relationship he is in if she will have him once he really lets her into his world of knowing who he really is rather than who he pretends to be.
I am looking for as authenticity.
Not bullshit artists.

So my research skills turned up a picture on March 7 at Quantico of Unavailable Lover and his girlfriend at a reunion. COVID 19 reported there same time frame .
Last week he was home and of course because I am here close he called and texted before truly paying attention to reality of Covid 19 trying to compel me to come over. I said no and educated him.
I laugh as he's been the FB champion of social distancing, In complete contrast to his arguments on phone how he was on other side of the Quantico base couldn't be exposed etc.
When talking to me he clearly was not thinking with his brain.

THANK God I met a really wonderful AVAILABLE Man. Thats kinda an awful nickname.

I have to come up with better. BUT until I trust him its good enough, "Available Man" it will be. Can't really tell if he's into me or just thinks he should be into me and vice versa. Its like we haven't madly fallen for each other but like each other and are dating to see what possibility may arise.
Why is it always the ones who are just not a good idea that I seems to fall for without abandon??

The brilliant but crazy...
Oh yeah and lest I forgot my "type" the alcoholic....not defined by that but its a characteristic of that sensitivity of the empathic caring person, often a creative artist.
For me the passion of Italian men....fell for a couple of those in my life in a pattern I try to avoid.

So there you have it, my love life in the time of covid 19: avoiding great sex truly readily available to me from one without commitment, expectations , and the small encumbrance of his own guilt and lack of honesty to his girlfriend as I dont engage in relationship with someone ostensibly committed once I am aware of it


Cancelled date so some nice playful phone conversations with an actually available honest man.

The 2nd recommends the book The Ethical Slut. I think I will order it, not for myself as I have no conflicts with my ethics and behaviour as keep them aligned.I however think it might be a helpful gift for Unavailable Lover to help facilitate some authenticity in his life so he is not such a mess! He really needs to work on alignment of his values and behaviour if he hope to have a healthy relationship with himself first and foremost! He needs that before he can even consider a long term commitment that might work.I don't count having years of relationship where you have repeatedly been unfaithful as succeeding at nurturing a healthy relationship. If he does some work and is honest there is hope for him and his girlfriend but otherwise his behavior will someday implode it.

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