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2020-07-18 - 9:19 a.m.

In other news called out at work at the retirement community as I have a sore thoat. It actually was worse this AM although had it yesterdsy and hoped just allergy or temporary irritation. Thing is, no allergy symptoms. no fever, no cough, nothing else . So when accompanied by just a bit of localized mucus this AM (not clear!) reading seems indicative of virus rather than bacterial.
Thus not going to work even though otherwise feel fine!
Wish everyone with minor symptoms stayed home! Because what is minor to me could be major to someone else. This is the reason yesterday I was grateful I actually had work to do for client and nothing pressing for my employer as I did not think prudent to go into the office yesterday to have techies monkey around with my computer if could get work done via on line applications.

And in personal news: teens happy n healthy

Friend spoiled me Wed night cooking for me as I stopped by winery to pick up eggs after work. He is a complete mess but love him anyway as he is goid to me and I know better than to get too close! The friendship works. Totally know to keep boundaries and maintain healthy friendship with this man who pretty much thrives on feeling needed and doing things for others, yet quickly becomes controlling to his intimate partner and family. The dichotomy of this is clear. So i stop by and as a workahilic he is happy to share the beauty of his space and company at a distance. His company is often at a distance (literally and figuratively) as he circles about in non stop motion continuing to work while talking, enjoying the company when someone enters his orbit for a time. It is always his orbit however. I love to visit znd join him as I have a freedom there and a peace there by virtue of it not being my world but just being a visitor to it. It is a refuge, an escsore, a moment of complete relaxation for me.

So this time i first enjoyed prayers before the sunsetting on the vinyard in this georgous place. When I first pulled in I enjoyed watching the ducks saunter from the pond to their feed sitting on the winery porch.

It seemed this amazing magical reminder of the first time zi ssw the ducks at the place I then chose as our VA home. The similarities between this man and my ex are many frankly and it is perplexing to ever understand how such opposites attract.
The thing I have learned is to rmbrace the good in relationship with thise opposite, give as much as receive and also hokd firm my personal boundaries and carve out a space for friendship accepting the limitations. Interestingly because I am not a partner I think my friend engages in healthy conversation and listens to me and perhaps hears another perspective as doesmt feel threatened by my difference as he ckearly seems to be by differences in his partner or his kids over the years. He has a trans child and narcissistically just doesnt get it as of course all is about HIM. I hope i am a help in giving him.the perspective that he is being completely self centered and his childs idemtoty realky is not about him. Its not any sign of disrespect that his child is uniquely different from him, nor is his child deeply troubled.

So I had this amazing prayer time, then as he emerged ( its just a space I am welcome in whenever, however. seriously he has always made that clear so I am comfortable enjoying the beauty of that ) , in his fashion he wanted to cook for me which delights him as much as me. He wss inside cooking and I relaxed outside. It was wonderful to hang there comfortably distancing! ( lol as he is master of that! )

He did not eat with me. I enjoyed smoked blue fish and mackerel with asian rice blend he made with some wild rice, red onion, exquisite spices and his chardonnay.

I tell him it feels like a moment of bliss, heavenly or...shoukd I just call him Lucifer. He of course would love for me to stay and trys best to extend visits.

He is also a damn good lover yet as typical of such men that is a skill from much experience. Infidelity the Achilles heel of his failed marriage. I was wise to turn down the offer of his to sweep in and "save" me years ago.

Yes he is basically someone I have hard time wrapping my head around why I laugh do often and have so much fun when spend time wirh him, but enjoy when I do every few months. Its a compatiblity of intellect, energy, pheromones I believe which should not be underrated; but also need to be understood so know when to say NO to a relstionshio based on those three and not based on shared VALUES.

On that topic of values, its so typical I met this man at yhe Catholic Church.

Yes, one more reason proud to be active elsewhere. The hypocrisy, misogyny and culture of the Catholic community here combined with homophobia and racism was just astounding to me.

So anyway, my stop to the farm and winery for eggs from my friend of ten years culminated in me enjoying dancing on that porch.I first was happy yo move and do my physical therapy execises but then I was blissfull as dancing to UT and Coldplay Sirius XM channels as he was inside doing his thing.

It was just a perfect evening!!

Lol wow I am a loner. Just a bit of connection feeds then space to BE.

I felt loved, pampered and cared for by his cooking for me, nurtured by prayer and the derply spiritual experience of sunset over the winery with rose bushes and flower garden surrounding the porch in bloom, then my body released stress and felt rejuvenated by the dance.

That happiness carried through with me the rest of the week.He always packs a care package to go, typically with food for the whole family but this time it was packed lunch for my next workday.

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