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2021-05-25 - 5:17 p.m.


focused time on creativity as a break from work as I have LOTS of work and don't want to get so caught up I don't have balance.

So I pushed back deadlines to preserve the ME time.
And then be able to do my work very relaxed and not in a pressured state.
(unrealistic expectations are UNREALISTIC)

Honestly no contract that is going to be important for work for YEARS moving forward should be flipped back in a day.

I need at least a few-
to do my read through
and then take a break and go over it AGAIN

I am not going to rush and leave someone dependent on me with a crappy agreement.

So I pushed back and am taking a break for a couple hours.

I am part time and already had some serious focus and work done both last night ( worked late - after a break- worked til 11:30 pm) , and this AM as started at 8AM.

so by 3pm I was done. I did take a lunch break and dog walk breaks, But I am just done for today. ( unless feel like a couple hrs tonight-- I might do that.)

Anyway-- I really came here to comment on how ironic this master class I am watching with ISSA RAE is as she is talking about a moment in the Pilot of her show Insecure about how the one character's boyfriend messed up the character's birthday plans and it was a catalyst for the gal to make a life change.


A friend of mine had plans with significant other to celebrate his birthday and was cancelled on this past weekend! His girlfriend cancelled their plans Thu night as was too stressed and busy!

I mean... most folks see that as a big sign. We heard of "he's just not that into you"

All I can do is be empathetic to my friend, but the more I hear the more I think " Dude, she's just not that into you." Cut the ties now... the sooner the better. Let it go, shift to friend zone if you can, and if not move on with your life are my thoughts (which I will not share unless asked. EVEN then , maybe not if it might be misunderstood as my opinion having an agenda. I have NONE, but I considering the feelings this man can awaken for me- well I prefer to not even think about possibilities when they ARE NOT possibilities...thus keep my perspective to myself unless and until asked and will answer AS A FRIEND.)

So my only comment was, when dumped be happy to spend time with some other friend or do something you love you haven't made time for! I was happy to spend time with my friend- but. the thing is my friend was so obsessed and clearly could not let go of worry it was hard for him to relax.

INSECURE ( Issa Rae's show) seemed to me to just resonate with where this friend has emotionally been at in a few ways and I found that so funny this afternoon.

Some themes are universal I guess- cross cultural, cross age, cross socioeconomics. ( My friend is an old white guy! Issa Rae a youngish black woman (late 20s almost 30 is the age of the character in her show she was discussing.)

Regardless of stage in life there are moments where one transitions and it can make some feel unnerved.
The unknown
the uncertainty,
wanting something grounding and not being able to find it in oneself.

Seems that is where my friend is, and where the character was in a moment in the show pilot.

Very interesting.
Just resonated with me as a story I JUST HEARD.

The TV show centers around the influence of the best friend of the girl deciding to make a change.

I am the friend in the story.

If another weekend comes that my friend is dumped-- that's it, we are watching Insecure. Want to see what happens... I mean in the TV drama... ; )

The pilot hooked me .
while the author demonstrated how to write a good hook in a pilot, clearly introducing character and environment and answering with clarity WHY do I want to tell THIS STORY? WHY NOW?
Why should you as a viewer watch it?


My two oldest have written a few pilots. My son has been teaching a screen writing class working on his own work with 14 folks , fellow artists and peers that signed up. He is having a blast.
I hadn't know he was doing that when I found this Master Class months ago and first flirted with it. I then told him about the Master Class and OF COURSE he already has taken it! He said he signed up some time ago! My son is always so motivated to continue learning more about his craft.

I am just having fun enjoying space to create and BE. When one takes time to just BE I think their talents emerge.

But you can't let them emerge and develop if you don't slow down and allow them to manifest.

So I am enjoying that process by carving out time to DO NOTHING and see what my self is drawn to do when have ACTUAL free time regularly.

Oh I am so loving working part time.

On another note: The time with my friend was SO NURTURING and gave me such ENERGY! I had so much energy this Monday and it made it easy to quickly straighten the house. I got the downstairs cleaned up, laundry done and then vacuumed the basement and did the sheets of the basement dweller ( as he was not in the room); No objection thankfully!
That space just needed cleaning!
I got it done. I don't mind doing it when have energy and feel so moved.

It just felt SO GREAT to be energized due to the marvelous time with my friend! Our particular outing happened to be heading to a river and taking a canoe out. The cancelled trip was a kayaking date. I said- "So let's GO!! Lets hit the river - I had set a goal a year ago I would someday get you to take me out in that canoe you just use as a prop to look cool with it sitting in your backyard !" ( He has taken it out ONCE since living here in VA. He used to use it where he lived prior to a move here years ago!) So I said, "Too bad your love couldn't join you but go yourself, or go with friends and still do what you love and what feeds YOU." I actually called my bestie who I love to canoe with to see if she could join us but she was busy. As it was an outdoor event and he and I both have been vaccinated, I was not too concerned with socializing out in the world again. The day was also wicked windy and beautiful! With the wind whipping there seemed to me little risk of COVID to take the boat out for us!

I think my friend was happy to have done so although it was hard to let go of obsession and worry about his relationship for quite a while. He FINALLY relaxed and was not preoccupied but it took him a pretty long time honestly.
I however, was just so happy to be at the river, and to enjoy his company ( when he was not obsessing and ruminated about his girlfriend; so I tolerated and was present for that to just listen. Heck that is what friends are for). Heck I was trying to not ID my friend, started out with gender neutral description but it may be more interesting to know I was canoeing with Dr Fauci. It is nice to talk with him every few months. It has been that long (at least?) In fact he happened to text me when I was TRYING To get my crappy phone working and the text came in which is how we ended up connecting this weekend. It was kind of perfect timing as he texted me RIGHT after I had been digging to put a plant in on Sat night at dusk,, and was struggling to break up the dirt with my shovel hitting this long black root. It was fiercely resistant and I had trouble breaking it up. I then nicked it, and saw a speck of which and realized I just hit my phone line! Black cable, white layer inside and a hint of copper!! The land line which shamefully is also carrying DSL. (I know that is sad in this day and age. I am frugal... if it is NOT broken don't fix it kinda gal... I don't care if there is something BETTER out there I use what I have until it no longer functions.) Speaking of such, using things not quite functionless to point of ridiculousness at times ( remember the old Volco?)... I was tired so after hitting the land line in the yard ; ( what Verizon idiot employee thought it a good idea to pull cable right through what is the OBVIOUS spot for a garden?); I needed a short break, but wanted to be productive, so decided it was a good time to swap out the old SIM with the new SIM to see if the latest carrier of choice had service compatible with my old cell phone. (Old model but everything else WORKS on it, so why wouldn't PHONE CALLS and TEXT as well? ) The first thing I saw when I turned on the new SIM, was a text from Dr. Fauci, "Are you up for a walk tonight"? which he had sent about an hour prior. so I responded to his inquiry. "Sure! Do you have electrical tape I can borrow? " He got to be the knight in shining armor who saved the damsel in distress. ( HA HA) He was thrilled to fix the nicked line and help me get the plant in the ground in the DARK . It was of course just before dusk when I was mustering up the energy to put in just one more plant before the day was done!! I later realized the phone ONLY Works over wi fi. It did not work when I tried to call my guy in Buffalo! He was the first person I WANTED to call! So I tried as walking over to my neighbor's to find the phone was not working on any carrier network yet but only via WI FI. ( Google Fi. Reach mobile worked for 2 mos, Mint mobile NEVER as the phone does not have the option of the TMOBILE network they use but is set up ONLY for the Verizon network!!) I thought Google Fi might work.... will call one last time to try to reconfigure it to see if it can work and if not I am just giving up and have determined !*@W& IT! I am HAPPY NOT HAVING A CELL PHONE! For real... maybe I had it on just for the moment I really was meant to? Hmmmm?? Maybe? It just seems so interesting to me- the timing of things. So, No wonder I felt safe going out to hit the river despite Covid not REALLY being 100% over, right? Dr. Fauci just came to my rescue right as it was dusk and there was a risk of rain as I had JUST nicked my phone line!! Weather report said ZERO chance but I felt it in the air and a couple drops actually fell as we walked back from his house where I met him with Bellatrix and he scrounged through his garage to find the tape. I mean it was perfect serendipity... He texted when I really needed a friend to help me; and I was there for him when he needed a friend. So it was just a GREAT Weekend. That on top of Friday night, after picking up my car at the dealer I swung by my friends winery and had such an awesome time watching him in his element . HIs right hand gal that keeps his business and personal life organized is this amazing person and I have not seen here in a long time. She called two friends that came over and these women were so lovely. Great weather, we sat and enjoyed our friend in his element of feeding these lovely ladies! It was a blast. I need to go back as in atypical fashion, I was going to buy eggs and he put me off saying "later..." but by the time we all winded down it was way later and he was fading fast. The funny thing is, I drank which is odd for me- and once again my theory of having a ridiculous tolerance proved true. It is so freaking weird to me. The cocktail the bartender was making ( she is one of his official servers) had gin which was a trigger for the one lady ( her story not mine to tell); and the other lady doesn't drink at all; and that mixed drink was DELICIOUS. The mixed drinks were made for the ladies-- so I was the one that unexpectedly decided to enjoy them. It was such a fabulous night. I stopped by INTENDING to share good food with my friend for a change as I stopped at a bakery to get a treat for my kids and the cookies were SO AMAZING I decided to repay the favor of being pampered with good food by bringing him some while I pick up some eggs. It was just such an amazing night of connecting with the ladies. Our friend is seriously THE BEST HOST. I think once there I just forgot about worry about COVID. I just didn't think about it which is new for me. My winery friend, and his right hand gal BOTH already had COVID. So I was first hanging with them. When she called her besties to come over I didn't think twice and only realized that now which is interesting. I have been SUPER responsible! I feel like I made a psychological shift of not worrying at all about COVID once almost all my household were vaccinated. I read how we are in such a better state here in VA, but I am still masking when go anywhere until all my household is vaccinated. So here is the last of good news: Basement dweller received his first shot yesterday!

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- - 2021-06-01


Home and need to just hang with my offspring this afternoon. JUST BEING PRESENT - 2021-05-31


YES! What a gift the day was. - 2021-05-31


To bed!! UGH up too late but wanted to capture Life Coaching Session as it was so cool. - 2021-05-26


I am good at time management! When I make it a priority with intention. - 2021-05-26