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2021-06-28 - 4:09 p.m.

I am a bit bummed I did not get done what I intended to get done today.

I got waylaid, distracted, sidelined...
but a task I tried to outsource and pass on to someone else who is paid staff for an org,whereas I am a volunteer. I figured the paid communications director might be happy to do the leg work of a particular project.
But after sending all the info needed, she came back with the question of :

"Who should folks reach out to regarding this?"


I hoped she would take the ball and run with it. I ASSUMED she would do the task as well as managing any ongoing communication and follow through tasks to GET IT DONE.

I assumed that as she is paid staff and this particular project really falls under Marketing.

But no.. she came back with that question.

So if I am the point person I want to have CLEAR communication.
I want the essential information. I just don't want to leave it at " Reach out if interested..."
And pass out my email.
I have to have a very targeted communication to ensure that the information I NEED to GET IT DONE is included in any communication.

In other words I tried to relinquish control...
but when it bounced right back to me, I assumed ownership and responsibility,

and therefore

Rather than just working a few hours, I also did a few hours of volunteer work today.


It was not priority.

I also had a medical appointment, just a touch base with my psychiatrist.

Mainly to report I am doing well without any medication; and to let her know that they likely will put me in for a security clearance.

She said that will be no issue; She goes though those inquiries ALL THE TIME and as she said
"There is NOTHING in your background at all of concern such that you would not be approved."

I said "YEAH... I have a good sense of myself and really sound judgement I mean I KNEW when the white vans were following me... what now 15years ago... that they were not REALLY and I best get some help."

Short of that one moment of concern, no other bizarre moments really of believing something not real!

I did tell her of my discovery, which I had that is very interesting

That VALTREX which I was prescribed for a gift a former lover gave me that keeps on giving..
Oh yeah

that air traffic controller with an amazing libido, and who was a great lover because he had LOTS OF PRACTICE....
yeah that one...
the LIAR who broke my belief in the ability of most men to actually be honest and monogamous

anyway I noticed when I did not have insurance and stopped taking Valtrex that that coincided with an increase in mental fogginess and being a bit more scattered.

In other words, that medication was HELPING my ADHD symptoms and perhaps also emotional stabilty as noticed I had more anxiety presenting AFTER that was stopped.

Goodness its been a couple years now...

Since I noticed that. My prescription ran out and I asked my fav doctor Ob GYN to give me a refill but I told him WHY

I wanted it for the off label usage as I also found a few articles talking about how Valtrex has been found to help those with bi-polar.

Now as I told my doc today, I question the whole bi-polar diagnosis but it doesn't really matter as regardless of the cause , etiology, disease etc...
the best treatment is always BEHAVIORAL
Modify diet, exercise and sleep to achieve optimal health and the disease ( whatever it is ) or brain's inherent limitations become less of an issue.

So I don't particularly care if the diagnosis was correct or not.
I just care that I know how to CARE FOR MYSELF for optimal health! NOT OVERWORK, HAVE BALANCE, EAT HEALTHY, GET SLEEP

and take time for relaxation and fun and things that feed my soul.

Which makes me think of sex...
; o

AH True a good sexual partner when in a good relationship DOES feed the soul! It can be deeply spiritual and I think SHOULD be such!

So , in interest of health, I told my Dr. " Nah I don't want to go back on Lithium. I just don't NEED it although I see the benefits where it is helpful if I am over-stressed" ( Really for anxiety management)
But I question that is bi-polar
I don't have the lows.
I just have the happiness..
and wonder if my inherent state of being happy is REALLY hypomanic.

I pointed out I am just weirdly calm in face of adversity or challenges.

I just am chill frankly,... I mean things work out.. .or they don't and life goes on. Very zen in my philosophy of acceptance not just of people but all things.

I mean I could be MORE motivated to try to IMPACT and CHANGE things if I don't like them.

I just don't always get that emotionally vested to have motivation to do so.

I SO LOVE my job as I swear the company philosophy is similar.
We get shit done well..
in time...
and there are no slackers. But we as a company are just much better than most at what I see as setting healthy boundaries of work and life balance, and weighing the importance of things.


It is SO GREAT to work in a place that thinks like this!!!

I am so loving it. We get a proposal request and they are like "NAH... that was not reasonable"
quick also to accept others requests for extension when we send stuff out. WE WORK with people WHERE THEY ARE AT.

It is so very refreshing!
And the folks are just super nice.
They have their priorities stright.
I mean what a joy to hear one mom say will be out of office to go catch her kids game this afternoon.
I love that.
To have a day where I COULD obsess about a volunteer thing for a few hours then go back to wrap up work AND a Dr. Appointment.

So yeah, I didn't get the stuff I wanted all out of my room and then to the thrift store BUT I did get more stuff in the car, emptied a bin of old Law Review Bar Prep materials to be donated, and have one more pile of winter clothes to be moved into that bin that used to house the books.

Two bins filled with winter clothing did get moved to the attic yesterday. This third will be filled soon and will join them.

Last night after it got dark and a bit cooler (but still hot out!) I did finally clean the carpet in my bedroom. HUGE improvement as I used a cleaning formula designed for pet odors.

That was on my to do for too long and was bothering me! I almost finished going through my shoes and putting them back in the closet. GOOD To downsize and get rid of some of this excess stuff!!

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- - 2021-06-28