2022-06-30 - 2:03 p.m.

Once I get into job hunting I absolutely LOVE IT.

THIS personality trait must be one my son shares which is why he can love being an actor. Because as an actor you have to audition for so many roles that you will be rejected for, but you not only have to believe in yourself and the project, you also have to literally embody and stand in the character shoes of another PERSONA.

Even if not a real person,
your whole being needs to embrace with understanding BEING that person for a short time.

THEN pivot
and do it again.

I have that same capacity when job hunting.

TO see a role and the work of a company and get EXCITED when there is alignment of my values and I see a sense of purpose in the work they do.

Some industrys/spaces I find this EASIER than others to feel passionate about.
(Disabilty advocacy!)

YET I feel equally passionate about being a fully fucntioning while YES at time navigating ACTUAL MENTAL ILLNESS -
so a disabled professional

who like many others
CAN WORK And be successful

and I feel as passionate about advocating just by REMAINING in those professional spaces and being SEEN for who I am.

EVEN when it scares people.
I KNOW there are some for whom encountering me has made them shift perspective in a good way. So what if that person who has a perspective shift is not my boss and my boss decided I am NOT a good fit

I leave each job with new friends
former co-workers I then remain friends with
and I know at MIMIMUM EACH Of them has had a perspective shift.

The funn thing is that in this job, in which we were fully remote but for every other Tue I don't know if I will leave with any actual friendships having been incubated.

BUT I won't know until I LEAVE
as typically those frienships did not fully blossom until AFTER we no longer worked together.

The folks are out there who want to be friends but they know I think when there is some judgement of me and they stay out but do remain in contact and nurture the friendship LATER when it is not a professional liabilty for THEIR livlihood!

I get it. I honor their need for safety.
NOT EVERYONE needs to risk it all by speaking truth to power.

BUT those of us brave enough to do so need to KEEP doing so.

I feel like that is a calling YET just like i felt about the possibility of having a full blown psycotic epidsode ( which has not happened since 2007!!) ; and being able to write of it and HELP OTHERS

TRUTH be told while I will speak truth to power WHEN CALLED to do so
I will be happiest if I don't ever feel such compelling need.
At least I mean in my PERSONAL life- as in MY JOB
I would be happiest if I could finally land a job in which I am fully accepted for who I am ALL OF WHO I AM without it freaking people out.
Where I can explain why I keep my boundaries and not be judged.

Or feared.

It always seems to me about when I set a boundary that is outside the desired social interaction.
I kinda feel badly for the one other mask wearer in my workplace I am leaving behind as an employee.
Now she doesn't have me too in a mask when in the office. It is just a bit more comfortable if you are not the ONLY odd man out of the norm.

ALL this to say , I found a full time job I would just LOVE TO TAKE.

Total departure from my work now.
Completely different , although related.

It is full time but fully remote at this point, but for some moments for events AND it has benefits such that I could manage paid time off I believe for Dr. appointments, More importantly- fully remote so I should be able to work in the Dr.s office which I have gotten used to doing for YEARS now.
Easy enough in my current job.
So I think if I land this one I would have the work life balance with flexibility I need AND the security of a full time job that I love doing.
I just have a good feel about this one!

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