2022-09-12 - 5:42 p.m.

Yesterday I went to the funeral for a friend's daughter. She died of an alcohol overdose after years of stuggling with addiction, just three months after her older sister had died after return from a rehab program.

My friend lost both her daughters, her only two children.

They were each beautiful souls, abeit troubled.

It was so lovely to her the tesimony of the families that loved her youngest daugher as a women. The men in her life who loved her spoke, and those men's children and parents spoke.
These were Ex boyfriends- whom had tried to have a relationship work but then it had ended.

Yet they still spoke of how much they had loved her and what a blessing she had been in their lives.

Afterwards my friend invited me to come back to her home with her family and friends that were gathering there. I asked if there was anything I could do to help; perhaps carry some things back with her to make it a bit easier on her.

She said "Yes that would be so helpful as I walked here. If you can carry some of the leftover food back that would be great."

Her husband had also come by the kichen at the side of the church with his two boys , and his Ex wife and asked those three also to be tasked with helping bring the leftovers back to the home where everyone close to the family were gathering.

So there we waited- the mother of my friend's step sons; her husband's ex wife and I. We let the church ladies know we were asked by the grieving parents to bring the food back to their house. My friend's hubby. step father for the past ten years to the daughter we were grieving loss of (Although also many in tandem still grieving the loss of her sister too); had gone into that kithen and made it clear we were there to help.

We waiting
and waited
and I checked in a couple times and said-
"We are here to carry the food; anything ready?" And kinda was ignored.
The busy bees were cleaning.
Finally after much time I went in again and the ladies said
"Oh its all done. They got it all"

I could see two large foil trays still sitting in the far side of the kitchen.

I have one regret that I had not walked in boldly and just started carrying out those containers to put in my car to bring back to my friend's home which was full of grieving gatherers.

Because I just said "OH OK"
and the other mom and her boys and I looked at each other . surprised, and I said

"Well I guess all the leftovers have been taken already?"

The stepfather of bereaved had carried some things out- but I think those were crock pots and he was then actually just kindly helping an older couple who brought them so they didn't have to carry those.

It was just so disappointing that there had been SO MUCH Excess food at the church.
It was a beautiful spread and it was absolutley beautiful that this church extended themselves to create such a beautiful spread and host for the bereaved.

But as everyone close gathered we waited. I joked later to the lovely lady, who honeslty by the time we went over to the house I knew well! The boys went in the car with their father and I gave her a ride back to the house.
SHe was such a lovely person.

So when we got back to the home. There was one box of Dunkin Donuts someone had brought.

That was it.

I was stunned. No one said anything. But it just was disappointing to me. The church ladies did do much work to help and make such a nice event after the funeral of the meal for family and friends. It was wonderful to gather and visit. But the fact they wanted all the leftovers to go back to their homes and couldn't extend their generousns to the family of the bereaved,

To the mother who lost her child,

Just made me dissapointed.

Back at the house I joked that the Ex wife and I were kinda like Mary in the bible story of Martha and Mary. I said "Someone has to take the role of sitting and just being in presence ; in company" We eventually got our friend to sit in the chair. She was herself like Martha with all this company in her home- keeping herself in constant motion serving others- taking care of the babies and the little kids ( her grandchildren) and being sure there were chairs and water. Her hubby got the boys and any other around and they were playing basketball and my friend was busy waiting on everyone else. One friend grabbed her , a massuse, and got her to go upstairs to get a massage!

Then she came down and started her flitting around worrying about everyone else. She did, at encouragement, finally sit and rest Just to be. And the other friend, her husband's ex wife who she is legitimately friends with grabbed a yogurt from the fridge and around 7pm got her to eat.

I did get a good hour to really just sit with them both. When I left she said "I didn't even really get to talk with you!" to which I said "That's OK! I came to just BE with you. I will come back"

I am not the best at reaching out and extending myself and told her than and said I would try to be better. I told her I likely am a bit on that autism spectum (And was not kidding) and socially awkard ( she spoke about her social awkwardness. She and her husband are brilliant, talented creatives and also inherently introverts who make a living performing but are actually not ENERGIZED but find it exhausting at times. They both need quiet. They live in the country in a home which is an absolutely beautiful refuge. It is georgous with the art and design of my talented artist friend gardens abounding and just aestetically beufiful and peaceful. It flows... just so feminine and flowy like her. Blues and pinks and green , soft and bright color pops throughout. She used to live in my neighborhood and I loved to go sit and spend time with her. I had only been to her house twice since they moved but will make a point of visiting to really be present and just be with her when she is ready.

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