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2022-09-17 - 1:11 p.m.

One of the artist way group members had been missing her hubby who was traveling the past two weeks so she really needed to dedicate all day to spend with him and therefore was not going to make it today.
There are only three of us- so I decided we would just skip this week.

The funny thing is I DEFINATELY MISS not having the group meet this week!

It was so funny how at the time we typically meet my dog was scratching at the back door to go outside; and I also thought it would be great to spend time writing on my porch.

It was the exact time of the meeting.

I went out and felt like such a creature of habit and missed the ladies today!

I needed to take a few minutes to rest after eating before going out again.

I was so pleased I could schedule an appointment and go pick up food today. I did that through a county program which is different than the local church in my town.
We ran out of fresh food and have been getting by with canned goods; cooking and making what we can. I ran to the store for some basics like milk and bread last week.

I just pulled money out of my Retirement fund as HAVE TO.

I hoped to have a tenant by now and don't yet.

So no choice.

That sucks- hurts when see the actual projected loss during retirement phase of life with only the tiniest of #% gain over the next ten years.

Hopefully by then I won't need as much cash flow!!

It was stressful putting even the little bit of gas in my car. I wonder if selfish for me to spend money on gas to go out to DC to meet my guy?
He cancelled the date of taking me out to hear live music. Morphed into an evening also inviting along his old roomie best friend which frankly I am really happy about as I really would love to see her and spend time with her again as its been a while.
I just didnt have good planning to connect last times went to see him in DC ( or money! I mean it sucks not having extra gas money to be darting around. IT was like I put enough to get there and back but didn't have ability to invite her to pick her up and go anywhere else.)

I keep thinking soon I will land a really good job- I mean a step up THAT is what I am aiming for.

If it doesn't happen in four months of job hunting only then will I lower my expectation and be willing to take less money in the market.

I firmly believe the only reason we don't all have living wages is that we say YES to less!
Once EVERYONE is on board with holding out to be paid what they are worth the valuation of labor goes up.

I am therefore going to hold out for what my JD and experience are worth for the work and added value I provide.

I again had decent interview. Another on Monday for a company that I found really exciting to be honest. Mainly as they seem to really be in the space and sector of working on technologies and products that are envirnomentally sound. I mean its a space where their goal is said to be actual changing how business has been done to be more inclusive and diverse in both what is sourced and who is part of the decision makers- in other words they understand the fact of atrocities hitting poor communities the worst and of the food deserts and the environmental fall out of industry hitting folks of color moreso than privaledged whites. They get it and are not hitting hard with guilt and shaming or disenfranchising anyone but are just doing business differently.
For one thing this company a headhunter called me about actually is an Employee Owned.

Now that means nothing if they don't walk the walk. BUT if they talk the talk I would be VERY interested in working for them. It seems like a direct hire position and one of the few I would be excited to take.
I need to research to see if they have an ESOP. As in what does that really mean when say employee owned?
My old company was employed owned too... technically if think about it. The five owners were all employees.

BUT typically when a company uses that terminology it has more owership opportunites for the regular joe. Will be interesting to find out.

Off to the rest of this day. Am looking forward to the evening, both shared time with friends and then time with the guy dating afterwards.

I also look forward to talking to my kids this weekend who don' t live here to catch up and hear how all are doing.

Now I need to shower and pack an overnight bag for the DC treck. I do want to head back here to go to church, mainly as practiced a song for chior and there was only one other Saprano there and I don't want to ditch her! That would be so mean!!

I think the other one is out of town? Not sure if she will be here this Sunday but she was not this week for practice.

In other news I awoke at 7am and went for a run! It was so nice! I love running in the Fall!
I had the thought "I could just get up and do this; or I can think about it and then overthink and talk myself out of it."

I swear that is what I recognize I have done and others do.

So what is it you can apply this to? What is it you need to just

GET up and DO
instead of allowing self the indulgence of thinking about all the reasons you perhaps should not do it?

Those reasons are not reality.
They are fear based imaginings on your part.

Trust me this is true for everyone! WE all do this to SOME extent at some time.

Once recognized it is easier to squelch the anxiety driven rumination and procrastination and thinking something is harder than the reality of the thing acutally is.

I suppose the porch painting was a lesson in this for me.
I am trying NOT to do that.

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