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2022-11-15 - 8:48 a.m.

OK It is MediCAID not Medicare-- I can't keep straight which is which.

This is why I failed the BAR exam as when a word is similar I have a hell of a time getting my memory to differentiate!

I was so perplexed as they make it really challenging to understand how Medical Care actually works in VA when given Medicaid cause they just send cards. NO additional information sent.

I swear once again, it it because either they are not funded adequately for need so resources are low
Just freaking by design
Figuring if it is hard to figure out and navigate only those who really NEED IT Will do so.

Such an illogical premise
as I think what really happens is that those who MOST NEED CARE have no ability to navigate the complexities to get it.

SO we received MEDICAID cards in the mail.

The funny thing is I received them for the kids YEARS AGO at the time when their Dad was doing the funky drop kids off to me without their prescribed medication AFTER he had filled the controlled prescription.
It was crazy he would do that-

to intentionally have his kids not medically stable to make sure he APPEARED to be the better parent through the divorce.

So fucked up.

But no more so than refusing to buy your kid glasses when you can afford to cause you think the other parent should hold their weight and do it

OR dropping your kid from your health insurance cause you don't agree with their identity as a trans person

I mean there are things one can't control. What another parent CAN or CANNOT do is not in your nexus of control so manipulating YOUR KID to try to get the other parent to do something is fucked up

But I can't control him.
or influence and reason and encourage and even have any impact on the support he will or will not give to his kids.

We got cards in the past - Or rather I did for all four of the kids of the volatile divorce situation to ensure I could maintain their healthcare even when the payer of their insurance was blocking access to their meds.

BUT at that time it was really the ADHD med for ONE kid that was critical ( Turns out that is the autistic person as well.... so meltdowns were ALSO related to that-
BUT Ritalin and Adderall at the time had a SIGNIFICANT positive affect on that kid!)

It was so clear when I took Adderall that it did not work well for me.
BUT I had a Psychiatrist at the time who met all the kids and who BELIEVED me- she knew I was not lying about the facts of the nonsensical withholding of the kids meds-

so she actually just prescribed me the meds that my kid needed.
So I could GIVE the kid the meds which was truly helpful

CRAZY To think I had that work around
that had to even figure out a work around

I recalled that the Social Worker in our local DSS office granted SNAP then ( for the interim when not yet working post divorce til found job)
and also Medicare.

I got these cards for the kids but they were also enrolled in a Managed Care Organization- Kaiser
and the health center for Kaiser was a good distance away.
And thankfully there were no other health issues so we never even USED the plan. The kids medical care continued to be provided through their Dad's health insurance.

It all worked out.
But I never used the Medicaid given kids so had no idea how it worked and once employed I let them know when I did not need it anymore.

I just found the handbook on line as to how it works as I was perplexed. This is hugely helpful to find! It has a provider search to see if a provider takes Medicaid.

I was perplexed why I could not pay my premium easily ( Maybe they paid it so I couldn't see it billed?)
TURNS OUT the marketplace plan I picked is ALSO a plan that participates in Medicare-
same plan name

So basically the reason it has been hard to find providers is not every provider takes Medicaid and my plan PURCHASED on the marketplace has been treated exactly like Medicaid.
so I am not sure it will be any better care
at least it will be contiguous as we found providers that take that plan
ALTHOUGH The primary specialist said they did not take the Anthem Marketplace plan when I talked to that office for kid-
when I called back and checked if they tale Medicaid for an existing patient the answer was YES!

SO the specialists the kid most needs will be seen tomorrow!
I finally found the brochure on line as to how Medicaid works and they have a provider search and the practice is LISTED as taking Medicaid but not accepting new patients.
Grandfathered in since this kid has been a patient there for years.

Today the kid goes to one specialist; then tomorrow that dysautonomia clinic for the POTS doctors.

This kid should then be taken care of- although asked to go to psychiatrist (DAMN that one is private pay. We tried others through insurance and they were not as good to be honest. Also trust is a key - the kid trusts this Dr.)

SO today:
1. Schedule wisdom teeth pull for one kid
2. Call for Psychiatrist ( hell I do want my kid's health taken care of . That is the baseline as once all well THEN perhaps this kid will feel good enough and capable to get a job and succeed! )
* Feel like getting there...
The kid went into the office for job support services and apparently just has a couple NEXT STEPS on their to do....

Which I hope they follow through and get done.

The other teen is stuck at that point .... with their goals it seems. But I can't make them let me help so they will have to get unstuck and move forward on their own time.
Best I can do is that which I can control.

And do think giving a bit of grace for ONE YEAR post High School graduation reasonable.

This will not be forever... they each will figure it out.
If we hit a year without progress then I will do something different. Reminding myself not at that point yet.
Its only been 5 mos.

* And they each DID Take SOME steps forward....albeit way the hell slower than I would have so I have trouble understanding...

* not abelist for sure

that is my one kids comment when I try to nudge

heck no
cause I know both neurotypical as well as neurodivergent can have FEAR and AVOIDANT behavior and procrastinate and get disabling anxiety at times

and it would in fact be ableism is I presumed they CAN'T Achieve

hell it would be ableist if I did not accept modifications and need to rest etc...
but that is very different from encouraging MOTION at all

I mean sure when disabled need much rest. NEED to slow down
BUT that does not mean STOP

STOP is very different.

When you STOP all movement ; all effort
well that is not good for anyone.

That is very distinct from REST and RECHARGE or heal

But is is?
That is where I vacillate; as at some level it is rest and it is IMPOSSIBLE to know when it is healthy need to rejuvinate and heal and when the point of being sedentary is NOT HEALTHY


when can't see another's pain.

But the thing is I think if you have chronic pain you are going to feel that pain EITHER when moving or sedentary.
So why not move?
Get out into the world and experience things that give joy rather than just withdrawing?
That is my thought
that by getting out into the world the pain will also be lessened- as brain distracted and body also for me aches most when sedentary.

OK back to my to do today:

Schedule appointments:

Wisdom teeth removal. Called the oral surgeon and asked about insurance but did not clarify is there is a DENTAL RIDER on the main insurance! So the oral surgon said does not take that kid's insurance but I am sure there is also a dental rider so the wrong question was asked! They did not RUN the insurance to see the rider...
I need to check again.

OH good late enough now! I was just killing time WAITING for 8am as I was up at sunrise- 6:30ish I think? and it was too early to call these offices.

I did enjoy a nice morning walk of course with Bellatrix. Nippy out but the sunrise was lovely!
Shy looks like winter.
There was frost on the retaining pond near the house.
It felt confusing to see white sky and the white sheen over the pond , frozen particles and the vibrant colors of Fall we have enjoyed so late in the season suddenly turned winter like dull.

The transition is so late this year.
Trees losing leaves and the blanket of leaves on the ground here are lovely to walk through. The dog is happy with the crunching sound. In early Fall she was so fully barking at the falling leaves.
She would sit outside and bark at the tree which was too active for her taste. It was like the living thing of this tree and the dog were interacting. Watching her jump and bark at it when the leaves fell from its branches
I swear it looked like she was playing similar to how she plays with other dogs or kids.
But now the trees are still and quiet and she amuses herself with the crunching as she romps through the thick blanket of leaves.

There was a neighbor lady who moved and while she was nice in many ways I am still a bit disappointed when I walk through the path between what was her house and the neighbor no the other side of the path that the thick mature vines that used to cover that fence are not there. They would turn colored in the fall and had wonderful smelling flowers in Spring and Summer. The vine was not honeysuckle, but another georgous flower that the lady who moved considered an invasive weed and hated. I don't even know the name of the plant; but I took cuttings and tried to transplant it in my back yard to replace the VERY invasive Virginia Creeper that I miss.

I mean I miss where the mature growth of Virginia Creeper has been on my porch. It covered the trellis that is there and created a beauiful privacy barrier and was actually really lovely where it was. It turned a glorious deep red- almost defiant- matching its stong personality with its boldness.
It had such lovely berries and I loved the back porch with that beauiful vine there.
BUT the key to this is
loved it THERE

I do not love its transplants which were growing under the fence and into the neighbors lawn and emerging up their drainpipe ; or the offspring that came out of behind their siding and flourished one year reaching over with tendriles grasping on and clinging to my windows, intertwining among the screens.

And the neighbor did not apprechiate the growth of the plant on his roof and filling his gutters.

That plant was truly invasive and taking over the house. It had to be removed. It could not just be tamed and cut back
It was threatening
We are STILL Fighting its DNA in the soil and in the gutter and no matter how much we dug or what chemicals were dumped ( which we don't like but resorted to trying to use)
I still find emerging Virginia creeper coming up in my ground just under the fence line and pull some from behind the neighbors siding or drain pipe every year.

But that other vine..

well I have to let go and stop mourning its loss. But it was so missed this Spring and the shame of it is

The lady who complained and finally won her battle with the neighbor over it ( when it was not even adjacent to her yard! She just had to SEE it from her porch and backyard! there was a whole PATH between her back yard and the other neighbors!!)

That is the part that is painful. The kind neighbor's indulged her; when others here so enjoyed that vine- but we were silent
and now the one who hated it doesn't live here anymore; but I truly miss it.

And don't even know its name.

Time to get up and get breakfast then make more calls.
I did accomplish something this AM so far.

I was looking at bank account and MAGS.COM had four charges for four magazine subscriptions.
The first order of business was to reverse that PAY PAL charge!

Some so called " you have won" - the bullshit where you get "free" magazines but if you read the small print it is for a time and when that time expires by clicking YES you agree to the autorenewal at market rate.
maybe they are using "eligible for an offer" - IDK it is still misleading and evil
I have danced this dance before.
Its Time, Inc who owns them and it is easy to cancel at least.

I did intentionally want Poets and Writers Cheaper for the $3... but then I forgot to cancel or forgot I had already renewed Directly with Poets and Writers Mag
so now not only do I get some magazines I don't care much for
(I think they substituted Oprah which was fun for a bit with Elle)
but I have been getting TWO of the Poets and Writers. I gave a neighbor one randomly one day.
She is a nurse (HA HA)

DUMB autorenewals.

So y'all go to and put in your email to see if you have any surprise active subscriptions you want to cancel.

I bet a good percentage of folks who do this will find one! (HA)

3. Schedule my procedure. I had a long entry about my own medical procedure and why not yet done..and the research etc... but deleted it as honestly it was not THAT interesting and just in case anyone reads this i know. I wouldn't know it if they did

oh god help me if they do! HA HA
journals- true journals written for self as make no mistake this is... are not meant for reading by others truth be told.

Where the hell did the PRIVATE Check box go? There used to be one on this entry page but it is no longer there.
I may have liked to have saved my AM writing there. Cause I did do some medical research etc.. things maybe would want to refer to later?
Ce la vie. Main thing to capture for future reference is this:
Endometrial hyperplasia
which is the actual issue
and I found the answer to the questions I had...

The biggest challenge this AM is an ADHD one.
I had a paper with the # where to call to schedule procedure (surgical place? The Doctor wants someone more experienced to do it so gave referral) I SWORE I put it on an end table in the corner of my room that has not been touched in weeks. But it is not there.
I also now can't find the referral for wisdom teeth. It was on the bulletin board and taken down when called to schedule already.

*Little nits... I can call both prescribing providers to find the practices and get it done.


4. Schedule FOOD allergy testing for youngest. She never had it done! With MCAS and food allergies in siblings, this is a good idea.

She refuses to see a psychiatrist to consider help as says doesn't need it. I say when in bed most of the day you DO need some help. She is resistant to therapy of the Psychiatrist and wish could convince her to do at least counseling. I think will again see if can find one that takes her insurance and

5. Schedule counseling appt. (If I can. She is now 18 so not sure I can!) If I can at least do the work ( again ) of finding practitioner and see if she will go if I get an appointment.
I mean when the kid is sleeping most of the time; and won't follow through on the on line job application to a job SHE INTERVIEWED for and was told was to be hired AS SOON as the on line application was done; but she won't do it because she doesn't have a resume... ( That was what she said once. I said "It says upload resume IF YOU HAVE ONE. Its an "IF")... or because in her head she doesn't have references ( She is ignoring me when I tell her use her best friend or a teacher)...
Well, yeah...
the kid is clearly depressed and could use some help.

6. Find and schedule ENT for that kid too. Allergy treatment helping much but her Dad has deviated septum and she should be screened for it as well considering her loud snoring etc...

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