2022-12-15 - 1:48 p.m.
My DC guy called and just feel so much better as we talked out all the concerns.
but of course the dog needed to move and eat
So instead I got some lunch and fed her and let her out
and then- after hydration ( headache STILL THERE. I swear if I have a cup of coffee it would go away but holding out. DANG how can one cup a day be so awful when missed??? I had a headache yesterday that was better after I finally had coffee at the oral surgeon's office at 2:15pm).
That feels good.
I am just I know affected from past deeply so I needed the affirmation.
I suppose my concern is good as it does let me know I care deeply about HIM and wish we were both just not so afraid of jumping in with trust.
I mean when I asked him about FEELINGS the last time physically together he did not want to talk. I think then I was hurt that he used this term "That was a fun session"
That is not the language of being in love and committing in a relationship.
And I am all for open relationships but the RELATIONSHIP has to be the point. Not the SEX
But I think it was just MY FEAR speaking
It just sucks when don't spend much time together in trying to navigate an actual relationship.
AND for me it is this time of life where honestly the priority has been kids and trying to LAUNCH Them into independence
so having to use tough love as the logical next step.
And that is a lonely road to be on
But the current path.
SO the trees outside my window are ice covered. The roads are going to be ice covered tonight too.
I am grateful for the invite if I wanted to head to DC. AND that he is genuinely wanting to see ME and genuinely invested in relationship that is real. Not just in it for the chemistry. I am also grateful the chemistry is there!
I believe in possibility of finding OR CREATING ALL THAT- both the love and good relationships not only with me but my family who will be my family
BUT in reality who ARE CHRONICALLY ILL
and there will be periods I just have to love and be the caretaker when they can't function.
YES I believe possible to have a relationship with someone who loves me and learns to at least accept them ( and be loving toward or in response. They were of course NEVER abusive to that guy. They were loved and KNEW they were loved by him which I suppose is the alchemy that can cut through trauma that is a root cause of abuse perpetuating...)
So feeling better.
And will now go back to the CSS portal I got into again. THANK GOODNESS The tech support really fixed the issue ( I HOPE!!)
We nixed idea of getting together due to the icy roads. They will only get worse. He did ask if I have plans tomorrow.
Laundromat and then getting something to eat our family quality time. FOR REAL
Covid freaking high now. 14.5 positive PCR last checked. I am masking at home to protect fam. - 2022-12-19
Feel better today than did the past few for sure! Have energy at least! - 2022-12-17
AH Now time for meditaiton - 2022-12-16
More information on endometrial hyperplasia HMM Apparently it is RARE - 2022-12-16
Headache still persists! - 2022-12-16