Get your own diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

2022-12-20 - 5:26 p.m.

Every once is a while I hit a point of not being exactly sure what to do next.
Then it is waiting and trying to figure it out.
Coming up with a plan.
Procrastincating... til commit to acting on the plan as it is the best option.

YEAH That was where I was at this afternoon after I came home from work, delivered some cards I wrote on behalf of the church mission committee ( we basically collect money from congreation to support folks at Christmas- gift cards go to the abused women's shelter. They raised $1200 in gift cards donated there. THIS is a reason I chose this church- because they actively volunteer in the community in meaningful ways. Sure it is kinda like the same thing my old Fortune 100 companies did- in the sense they organized service projects that are short term, annual things and the volunteers are always so proud of themselves. I mean that kinda stuff is great but it is not the same as sustained ongoing involvement in community.

I want to be engaged where I live.
So does this church.

And its not about converting people to Jesus. I mean not quite Jesus freaks

BUT there is that element that want folks to know what faith means in the lives who have that gift of faith.
But its less about trying to change anyone than it is about loving them wherever they are. This church walks that walk.

SO... what was I saying here and why:? OH yeah

procrastinated I guess as I don't like my plan too much. Have to do it anyway. I have to go buy a Knife for the putty that you put on ceilings. What's it called... the goopy stuff... not dry wall comound paste? NO some specific work and I have brain fog as I made a mistake when overwealmed and COVERED with dry wall dust after sanding

of eating a couple choclate covered cherries. OK three of them to be exact. Two too many... or maybe three too many

AS that sugar kick surely kicked in and makes me tired.
It was more finding time to do something as i still think about this. I thought of ART but knew it was not even a consideration to call him.


I fucked up that friendship by entering relationship with him romantically again. I mean he was my FRIEND for years and that was so nice! I should have left it at that- getting mad when he pushed boundaries again- help my ground and duked it out and had the fight
that same old damn fight

and then gotten over it and continued to be friends

and then we BOTH would have ENJOYED that comradarie as I HIRED HIM to help me fix my ceiling.

He does nice work. I never wanted him to do any work on my house unless I paid him. The one exception is when we were involved and he did come over and fixed the clogged kitchen sink/food grinder issue. (Easter last April?)


As I am covered with drywall dust and trying to figure out what the hell doing- I pulled out my phone and sat upstairs in my bathroom ( I don't want the dust EVERYWHERE so til I shower trying to stay only on the plastic where doing work- shook out OUTSIDE and tried to get off what would fall off, but am avoiding
everywhere in house just in case I should catch COVID from work ( except the living room that I HAVE to finish. I opened the windows to air it out after working in there)

And my bathroom. Figure that makes sense to sit in here- as I will take off these dusty clothes from sanding and shower once done with this afternoon project.

I THOUGHT I would just sand and paint today.

It looks like absolute shit.

I applied far too much mud
and the knife I was using was narrow and I left all these ugly ridged. I mean I was assuming it would be EASY to sand! I figured NO WORRIES I am going to sand it clean and smooth.

Now even shitty fill in the walls is not that hard to fix when sanding.... BUT

This is a different substance. NOT that fill stuff... the words are failing me just now. Whatever..
oh yeah spackle.

See this is the late afternoon brain drain. I am sharp in the AM

EAT SUGAR and I swear gluscose resistance kicks in and I am foggy and slow thinking and it is disappointing that three chocolate candies kicked that in for me.

Driking an immune blend of berry juice now. It is hopefully not that sweet but packed with zinc and Vit C and riboflavins good for circulation ( if that is the stuff in blueberroes).

I would LOVE A nap.

I intended to do work on a contract today. I have one sent to me yesterday said will look at and wanted to just knock off the ceiling first! Figured it was a QUICK one hr job.

I watched YOU TUBE videos first to get tips.. ( before procrastinating.)
Young lover sent some raunchy text... and I did engage for just a few moments... just to do may act of service in the world today
you know cards for church folks
we are giving gift cards to some child care workers that have kids to ensure they can go Christmas shopping last minute when off work..
AND ..
help a man out ....

Sometimes a guy just needs a little help from a gal...

I was too busy and focused to actually be fucking around at all. Let him know that but did text a couple back and forth then back to trying to figure out what I can do.

A you tube showed using a CHISEL to take off excess mud.

That was helpful... to a degree.

Chisel and more sanding. Looks better.

I feel like I have no choice but to go get a wider knife and this time CAREFULLY Apply the mud-
and need to thin it a bit I think. It is just too thick as it is (Tip learned from you tube videos.)
I need to fill some cracked spaces and go with just enough to build up gently so it is not obvious ( hopefully) the ceiling is not exactly level there.

I know one thing for sure- the substance I used, not spackle but dry wall mud..
has some other name!! (Its on the can of it downstairs so could look but just don't wanna move YET.)

DAMN juice was likely a bad idea. That is MORE sugar. It is making me crash...

I have to just go get the knife, thin the stuff and try again to get a much smoother surface.

Then paint tomorrow.

Such if life.

So sad as I had touched up the ceiling maybe a year ago myself and did a REALLY nice job and was so proud of it. ( After hiring Art perhaps three years ago now? -to fix the kinda OK but not great job the prior guy I hired had done. I had then done it myself once too. Art cleaned it up over couple of days with a few steps. Oh well...

I work at 7AM tomorrow.
Need to get to bed early tonight as I was up in the middle of the night. I didn't even check any work emails yet today! I wanted to be fully present at the retirement community when at work there today.
I mean seems only fair, right?
AND it was a super busy day. I mean important to be super responsive and engaged!
I also intended to log in and never got that far cause first was just going to write the Christmas cards for church. Only 15 needed to be written! It took me til 1pm to get them done! I had not gotten a lunch break and was supposed to work til 2pm- but then the afternoon gal came in early ( she does that and helps out our boss with admin work til time for me to leave when she takes over the reception desk. But the boss was on vacation so there was no admin tasks she needed her help with. Made sense to nix my break and just leave work an hour earlier.
OK- once over the fear and go buy the WIDE knife and just do it...
MAYBE This ceiling will look good??

I so hope at least decent and not super crappy. It was unexpectedly far worse than I thought possible AFTER sanding!! EEEK!!

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at!

Back to work after today's writing break - 2022-12-22


AH an improvement! Progress-- I will celebrate it as it will help SOMEONE - 2022-12-21


I with the kids were like elves and would just decorate the living room and clean it up. I want to emerge to find it done!! There is a tree needing to be assembled. That is a puzzle they might like. - 2022-12-21


Good News! Another random grant from my PAST work on the Community Foundation relationship maintained. - 2022-12-20


NO other work today. Thankful for that actually. - 2022-12-20