2023-01-18 - 2:45 p.m.
I am so tired now. It feels very defeating after spending hours on a task, to have the ADHD moment of just plain FORGETTING the prior multiple experiences so should have known better
That I can not use the BACK button to go back and fix anything in the VEC system.
AND That when they show you the DRAFT of all your data input it offers CANCEL or SUBMIT
and not be a perfectionist and try to fix something I did not like the phrasing of-
as if hit CANCEL
as the system DOES NOT just send you back to the populated screen to fix the data
In cancels aLL OUT to have you START OVER AGAIN. I mean you lose all the answers to all the questions asked. It is the dumbest designed system.
at some point you get a system error and bumped because of the operational problem that if the system BUMPS YOU and you go back in it thinks there are two distinct users trying to use the same user name concurrently
so you get bumped.
I mean TWICE
SURE this is an ADHD perfectionism thing. Sure it is the ADHd short term and even longer term memory issue of the ADHD brain really HAVING no memory of things even when done over and over again
its like the learning does not stick in the moment of hyperfocus about some other thing
EVEN IF KNOW the thing itself- like how the crappy designed operation system works
when focused on the CONTENT the brain hyperfocuses and forgets all other stuff.
Its so annoying as stupid mistakes are made but not just once, again and again.
I suppose it is in part the impulsiveness thing? The inpulsivity of my thinking "OH that reasponse could be better" then clicking assuming the system would behave like OTHER systems even though I know better. Cause I did not slow down enough to assess and think through what I know about the sytstem.
The day is late already. All I tried to do was the VEC crap.
IT is so crazy.
I am hungry and cranky too I suppose but just felt like venting again to get it off my chest. I guess THIS IS HOW I PROCESS MY EMOTIONS
it works for me.
I mean what the hell?
I know I have challenges. I am well aware of them. But I have integrity.
They only cause me to have to work HARDER and get shit done twice not once- or have the re-do. I catch most mistakes. OR they are not huge ones others catch and then they are not fixed. Somone told me once I make no more than others but I just call them out. I am AWARE and mention them.
They said not to do that.
I think this is why I love working for myself or in a dept of ONE BUT ONly when it is in an actual collaborative team.
Honestly I have been in roles where the team all worked together and then other teams where they did not like when I tried to get their buy in at all
It is funny how I think one has to learn to read the room as to what style works in each space.
Think I am going to take a nap. The chior director is fatigued and cancelling practice. I think he has post COVID issues frankly. He caught it and thought better then tested postive again and frankly has been struggling since.
Its a real thing- this dysautonomia and the POTS that many Post COVID are left with.
The POTS in my kids while of course genetic- as have to have the genetic predisposition ( there are EDS markers. MCAS too...) is also known to be TRIGGERED by viruses.
I am disappointed for him that he is not feeling well.
Any myself tired. going to make some calls to the Dr. offices again - I called over lunch hour yesterday do no further progress on scheduling as they never called back. I have two - one for me and one for one kid.
Then a nap may be in order.
I just can not imagine commuting and having a long drive. I got word I am not being considered further after yesterday's interview. I am relieved in a way as that commute to work in office Mon through Fri which they wanted was feeling overwhelming and not the job I WANTED. If offered I would find the way to find the positive and find the energy to get excited about it.
ADHD Moment of day OPPS Marketing screw up. - 2023-01-24
Time to rest. - 2023-01-20
Beautiful temperate weather here today - 2023-01-19
Asthma after a bath. Soft soap Pomegranate highly scented body wash may be to blame. - 2023-01-18
OK Happy tonight to just be HOME to be honest! - 2023-01-18