2023-03-21 - 12:44 p.m.

two minute vent.

Got some work done. Needed to start project ( cause needed overview , plan, scope it out and see if there is any missing DATA needed, input from others. Sent out email to gather more info I need! Glad tended to that.)

Then made some calls. Reviewed calendar.

SEE VET appt tomorrow for Bella to get shots up to date. DANG another bill. I owe for care when she was bit still.

I was going to pay that bill and saw the notation on the bill of the scheduled appt. LUCKY It is for tomorrow as NO it had not yet made it onto the calendar!
Paid parking tix.

THEN take Bella for a walk, get the mail and there is a TRAFFIC tix
for one of those toll roads on the way to DC , that were cash only.

A $6 toll now billed for $25 as apparently they must have sent a bill that is likely still on my desk.

DANG

thougth I cleaned the desk paperwork/bills and got all! The desk is now covered with old photo albums, slides, etc... as I was working on the project of pulling all that historic stuff from my son's childhood to find some items for him. I kinda buried the paperwork bill pile- I mean I thought I PAID all bills and filing was only what was left.

I did pull out the pile and filed away all those bills that WERE paid this month. I do recall seeing the tix. NO I do not recall paying it. I EXPECTED the toll by MAIL. I was FINE with that figured would pay timely.

Somehow it got lost by me... in the desk/on the desk.

SIGH

So much for orgnaizational system working for me.

So the cost of that weekend trip on a Sat to help guy friend move adds up more:

It was the weekend of
DOG being bitten.
(I mean that happened RIGHT before I was leaving. MY LAST activity was intended to walk Bella one more time. I tied her up outside as getting the last of something to the car and going back and forth. Neighbor dog arrived home and ran out of the car and CHARGED her aggressively in her alph female trauma induced anxiety of having to be the alpha female with any other small female dogs her own size).

DAMN If that is not a sign- I mean the aggregate cost of that weekend one trip:

DOG BITE - trauma of that and worry and then vet bill $125 ( could have been worse but honestly after 6 kids.. just get a good sense of when a creature is healing ok and really not needing to go to the ER but needs to rest then see Doc for antibiotic. That bill would have been TONS higher without such experience and honestly good judgement in emergencies.)

Rolling through stop sign with shitty car cost, as I did price out rentals for the weekend but it honestly would have cost more- so figured hell use my car to help friend out. You know you do what you can for friends when you can and it seemed worth it and honestly likely STILL WAS worth it in the end, but just cost more than I expected! HA I mean you gotta give to your friendships ( even when sometimes someone drops out- it does not invalidate the value in the moment of the shared friendship. I would not minimize and not VALUE that ! Just noting it was costing more than I expected in the moment FINANCIALLY! HA A surprise! $ 200 TiX
and now to add:

$31.25 toll ( ok it was 6.25 plus $25 admin fee)

Of course ADHD responsible for increased costs HA

BUT still

That is in actuality 125+ 200 + 31.25 that I would have not incurred in costs had I not headed out to DC that weekend. HA HA
I find that hilarious in a way.

I mean really , really truly kinda funny.

$356.25 to have helped my friend move that weekend. The weekend when he was weird about me making breakfast for him ( after he asked me if I wanted to go our to breakfast or stay in - and I excitedly went down to the store right below and got food to make a nice breakfast for us. (OH yeah add that cost- about $30 in food. I bought nice berries, and bags of bagels and whipped cream cheese and whipped butter and eggs a couple oranges and cream for the good coffee he had. I mean I DID have another weekend there AFTER that where I DID Get to cook a really nice breakfast for us- but it was just that weekend was odd as I came back ready to do that and he had made plans for us to go meet his bestie so there was bit of misalignment of expectations on my part. I mean I thought we were going to meet her later and did not know there was prioritization of meeting her early for a meal. It was also really incongruent for the way he INVITED me to share the first night in his new apt and ACTED romantic in the invite. I had not issue with him not being in the kinda romantic mood when in the zone of MOVING- I mean that was not the weekend vibe as it was so TASK ORIENTED but I got the sense (NOT WRONG turns out) there was MORE TO IT and something going on with him he was not communicating to me.

I guess it is just a reminder that when you are ADHD And navigate life the reality is you give more than some
literally financially
as the cost of FUNCTIONING in this world is substantially HIGHER for those with ADHD than those without this disability.

Its just something to be mindful of as need to carefully choose where to invest time and energy
which always somehow translates into MONEY As well
when going out in the world to share self!
It can make the ADHD person also seem stingy. But our cost to exist in spaces often end up being higher to just GET there, if that makes any sense. Not that is any excuse for lack of generosity, It is not. I mean I believe in contributing. So I do it in ways I can when I can afford to. But it looks DIFFERENT for an ADHD person I think in how we show up and there are so many hidden expenditures of energy and time to even BE PRESENT That others don't see in addition to the additional real penalty costs in society that in actuality really hit those with disabilities hard.

OK BACK TO WORK

I am enjoying the ebb and flow today. Going back and forth between MY Personal TO DO
and then working a bit.

Now to tie up a SMALL Task that was 90% done LAST FRIDAY

Just have to make quick edit and flip it back so it can be signed, sealed and delivered. THAT will feel good to cross off. Then to the fun research project. I LOVE GEEKING OUT with legal questions and have a fun project on plate to keep me busy. Turns out the research part goes quickly for me. I feel like this won't really take long to have solid sound answer to the questions posed for me to chase down. So feeling really good about the balance of being able to get my shit done and work done which will help others and result in some income.

Got half my laundry tied up to take to the car. Going to fit in a trip to the laundry mat and the VET in between working today and tomorrow!

I have an invite for dinner/ bd party for a gal I helped out at church. I am not sure can make that but if can tomorrow night it will be nice to be able to show up and celebrate with her.

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